Do not pass go, go straight to Jail” well that’s not exactly what the crooked officer said after trying to have me committed in a mental institution but that’s what I heard as he abruptly walked over to me from my housemates’ room and told me to “stand up” and “turn around.”  I was shocked!  I had just caught a Lyft back from Medical City hospital Dallas campus after the same officers had spent close to an hour trying to have me committed to Medical City Green Oaks Hospital next door.  The officers eventually ended up taking me to Medical City Dallas Hospital because they had waited close to an hour and per their protocol “they can’t wait longer than an hour.”  It’s like they had this mission and even another officer joined the 2 officers in escorting me to the mental institution or trying to.  This all resulted from the last of a series of calls to the police that begin with my housemates at Oxford Cloister house calling them when they couldn’t wrongfully “expel” me from the house.  According to Dallas Eviction Advocacy Center they would have to take me to court, and it would have to be the owner.  Instead of doing things by the law they had decided as Oxford house they were the law once I had expressed that their micro-aggressions weren’t right and specifically intentionally triggering my environmental disability was against the law, and I would let leadership know.  After that they decided to call a “emergency meeting” where they were to vote me out.  However, based off of the immediate placement that they and the chapter leadership had found for me without an interview (not normal protocol for Oxford house), they had already had their meeting and decided that I was to be expelled.  I had previously shared with them that it was evident by the way they were treating me in the GroupMe, and so the only way to avoid that coming out was to immediately expel me which removes me from the GroupMe chat and erases all evidence that proved that they didn’t want me there from the start.  When I asked Nicole how long she had had a problem with me she responded essentially since I had got there.  So, it all made sense that they were finding ways to pick at me.  Well once they realized I wasn’t leaving right away they took away food, cooking pans and utensils, lightbulbs in shared spaces, changed locks and turned off the power and air at times.  I literally was just sitting by the couch typing attending virtual meetings and dealing with their periodic abuse and harassment for 4 days.  This even included Caitlyn saying she was gonna call the police and tell them I broke her toe and then 2 days later after trying to get me to hit her she went into the bathroom and came out the bathroom with her sock off and begin to smear blood on the floor in the bathroom, hallway and porch, which looked like she was playing bingo with her toe.  I cannot make this up the level of trying to set me up was on parallel and blatant.

The officers that responded prior to the arresting officers refused to hear me out about the harassment (like the rest) I had been enduring so I requested a supervisor and was told “no,” so I called 911 and asked for one and the dispatch told me to ask the officers and they said “no” again and that they didn’t have to call to request one, so I called the dispatch back and they said they would “send one” but they didn’t.  All because Miguel kept coming back and they had told the officers that he had a right per Oxford house to be a part of my harassment that included pushing his way into the house dislocating my shoulder, pulling up into the driveway when I was the only one in the house and sitting out there shining his car lights into the house, telling me to get out, sitting at the table, laying on the couch with all the other housemates in their room, and saying that the situation was “my M.O,” and other things.  It’s like the officers didn’t want to see the truth about what was happening to me.  Literally every 4-6 hours the Cloister housemates were taking turns coming over with a couple members of the chapter leadership to harass, intimidate, and physically and verbally abuse me (calling me names like crazy, psychotic, cunt, bitch, and saying I’m going to hell), by way of preventing me from leaving (the officer said he would investigate it but it wasn’t a crime because I had another way to get out), putting their hands in my physical space, verbally abusing me and my faith, charging at me, yelling, grabbing my hands and intentionally spraying multiple fragrances, cleaners, and blowing smoke, knowing I was already in the midst of an allergic reaction and had just got out of the hospital.  When I say I had to keep repeating what the lawyer had emailed me to each officer, it was really wearing me down emotionally.  It’s like they were looking for a reason to put me in jail from the start, and my housemates were ensuring that they gave them what they wanted.

Email correspondence from Director of Client Relations (Dallas Eviction Advocacy Center on 3/16/26)
“Hello Joyclyn,
Unfortunately, we are assisting multiple people at once right now and we are not available for phone calls.  I am sorry for the inconvenience.
They cannot just kick you out.  If you paid your deposit, they legally must serve you with a Notice to Vacate, and then they can file an eviction.  Now a notice to vacate is not an eviction.  Landlords must take a tenant to court and get a court order to evict someone.  You do not need to leave your home until a judge orders you to do so.  If they try to remove you without a court order, you can call the police because that is illegal.
Once they serve the notice the way to prevent them from filing an eviction is to vacate by the date on the notice.  But if you cannot do that they cannot forcibly remove you without a court order.
If you are unable to find somewhere else to go and an eviction is filed against you, please let us know right away.  AS SOON as you receive your eviction notice, please send us a picture of all pages of your eviction notice, except not any pages of your lease.  We are looking specifically for pages titled Eviction Citation, Eviction Petition, Petition for Eviction, Forcible Detainer or something along those lines.  If you are not sure which page to send, please send all pages attached and we will put what we need.  Our Lawyer will need to review these documents prior to your court date.  THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.  Once we have these documents we will work to find an attorney who is available to assist you further in court.”
End of email correspondence

I had called the community group leader from my church here in Dallas and the prayer line multiple times to help me get through the repeated spurts of harassment I was enduring.
When the arresting officers walked in one of the chapter leaders and another guy from “chapter 34” were standing outside with Miguel who I was told is a chapter officer as well.  Prior to that another chapter officer had asked him to step outside after I explained to him that I had texted Miguel that I felt unsafe and to stop texting me which he stopped texting but proceeded to repeatedly come by, lay on the couch, sit at the table with just me and him there, and pull into the driveway and shine his lights in the window, as well as sit in the living room with me being the only one in there.  For him to be a “guest” of a housemate he sure stayed in my face and not with the housemates per Oxford rules.
The other officers had left a little bit before that (it was at least 5-6 times they were called in total from Friday through Tuesday when I was arrested, including me calling the dispatch for a supervisor, which I was denied).  One of the officers led with “what happened to Nicole” I responded the same way I responded when a different officer had asked “what happened to Caitlyn’s foot.” All the while no one was like how are you doing.  They were just showing up either asking me about the abusers’ welfare or telling me to leave or saying they would do an investigation.
Today I apologize for the grammar etc., as it seems like everything around me is trying to get me off of track and keep me away from writing what has happened to me in this situation and situations of the past, it’s like I can’t concentrate.  When the arresting officers showed up I was on my knees on the couch praying on the phone with a prayer warrior.  I had just told her that I was having suicide ideation a.k.a. feeling hopeless (They were trying to make me go to Austin Shelter, or some other shelter that wouldn’t be a good fit for my disabilities etc.)because of all the abuse I had endured and not having a place to go but being forced out.  I had clearly said that I did NOT have a plan because no matter what I wouldn’t add the added pressure to my children, and it went against my faith.  The lady on the prayer line agreed so when she asked if she could speak to the officers I allowed her to just like I allowed the community group leader to as well.  The prayer warrior begin to let them know that we were praying and then she told them about my suicide ideation which they seemed to brighten up with what I would call as joy and then they proceeded to ask me about it and I restated what I told the prayer warrior that I was having ideation but noting that I would act on as I did not have a plan, that I wouldn’t put my children through that and that it went against my faith.  I then tried to show them the latest video that I had where Nicole had grabbed my hand and litterall there were 4 people all around me pushing to let Miguel in the house.  They didn’t want to see it in it’s entirety and they stopped me saying that’s all that they needed to see.
They then said they needed to go outside and talk to the others again and then talk amongst themselves and they would be back.  I could see them through the window going outside talking to them and then talking amongst themselves briefly.  The arresting officers then came back in and asked me to stand up.  I asked why what was going on they said were taking me to have me observed for being suicidal (I’m paraphrasing because I’m unable to remember exactly how they said it), I said what, I clearly said to you that I did not have a plan it’s just no one was helping me.  They begin to turn me around to handcuff me so I asked to bring my purse and they said no, I asked for my glasses and they said no, I had to beg for my wallet and they allowed me to put on my tennis shoes and hurriedly rushed me outside in handcuffs because they had found a way to get me out of the house.  Once I had gotten in the car one of the officers had to ride in the back with me because they “didn’t have a cage yet” and I guess they thought I would do something to them.  Wow if this is how they treat someone for stating to their prayer warrior that they felt hopeless it behooves me how they treat real criminals.  I asked them if they could take me to the hospital around the corner (where I had gone for my environmental trigger) and they said no they were taking me to an actual mental health facility.  It was at that moment I really felt set up.  I remained calm stating to them that I had been a therapist, and I wasn’t danger of hurting myself as I did not have a plan it was just an emotion and I was honest about it in speaking to the prayer warrior but I had no idea it would be used against me like it was.  When they said Medical City, I was like in Wise County in a panicked way because I know I did not want to go back to the hospital where I had been wrongfully trespassed thanks to Refuge for Women (Texas).  The male officer responded No I was going to the one in “Dallas.”  I relaxed a little and began to do self-calming exercises that led me to acceptance.  I mean how long could they hold me maybe 24 hours, maybe longer because where I’m from, they don’t just take a feeling and run with it, and have you committed like they were trying to do to me.  As we pulled into the parking lot it looked harmless for the most part.  It looked like somewhere I could leave once I spoke with a Dr.  Once parked the male officer got out and went in while a different police car pulled up and walked over and begin talking to the female officer through the window.  She eventually got out the car and begin to talk with him as the male officer returned from the mental health center.  He got in the car and began filling out paper work.  I’m not sure if I answered his questions or not but I know they all began congregating outside of the car next to where I was seated in the back on the passenger side.  I don’t know if I was super sensitive or if they were just making a lot of hand movements, but it seemed that way.  Periodically they would just knock on the window or use their foot to slightly rock the car.  They left the radio in the car up so loud I eventually asked the female officer to turn it down when she got back in the car to check something.  Her response was that she “needed to hear it.”  My response was that you could hear it outside through your radio.  She got back out of the car and left the radio in the car up.  We all waited (the 3 officers and me) for what felt like a long time when the female officer went inside to see if they were ready for me.  Eventually she came out looking upset and spoke with the other 2 officers briefly before they got back in the car.  As the officer started up the car, I asked him what happened.  He said that they were taking me next door to the emergency room because they had waited too long.  As we arrived next door at the main hospital, I was allowed out the car, still handcuffed for over an hour and escorted by all 3 officers into the emergency room.  The main officer who kept saying I was suicidal was allowed to give his version as to why I was being committed and they escorted me into a room with a chair.  I immediately asked if they could take the handcuffs off and I was told that I needed to have a seat first and they would decide what to do next.  The female officer sat outside the door while a Black man who I presumed was a nurse sat down inside and began to ask me questions about why I was being admitted.  Another person came over to I would presume, observe because she didn’t do anything but listen and once the officers left another person sat outside the door observing as well, I guess.  Another person came in and explained to me that the officers had brought me in for my safety and I explained that I disclosed that I was feeling hopeless because of the harms that had been done to me where I lived but that I did not have a plan and would not do anything to myself and I restated that I said all this to the officers but they were bent on having me committed.  I went on to let her know all the reasons I had to live, things I did for self-care like going to church, prayer, working out, and She explained that she would speak to the Dr., and the Dr. would come and see me.  5 minutes later the Dr. came in and asked me the same questions and then the lady came back and said that they would be releasing me.  I stayed maybe around 20 minutes after the officers left.  I waited briefly in the lobby for the Uber and got a ride back to Cloister Oxford house.  The Uber driver noticed that there were police at the home when we pulled up.  I thought it was strange, but I didn’t think too much of it as the housemates had been calling since Friday when they tried to retaliate against me for reporting what had happened to me to info@oxfordhouse.org and their National Council, and the owner of the house (they only responded once but had since stopped responding).

I walked into the house to see Whitney and Nicole talking to the same officer that had just spent an hour trying to have me committed.  He then asked me to stand outside, and I stated why do I have to stand outside of my house when I hadn’t done anything wrong.  He and Nicole then went into her room, and I begin to try to write down everything that had happened to me.  I asked for the female officer’s name because I wanted to make a complaint because it seemed like they just wanted to do anything to get me out of the house and they were abusing their power as public servants.  As soon as I got the female officers name that’s when the male officer came out the room and said they were arresting me for causing family violence to the girl who had prevented me from leaving, pushed me, invaded my space with her body and hand, who then grabbed my hand.  Again, I was abruptly told to get up and as they handcuffed me, I again asked for my glasses, purse and tennis shoes and they denied me those things forcing me to leave without a bra or shoes or my glasses.  I was walked back to the car in handcuffs only less than 20 minutes after I arrived back at the house.  The ride to Dallas County jail was quiet for the most part.  I had never been there, so I dropped a few tears as I thought maybe I should’ve just stayed at the hospital for the hold rather than having to go to jail.  I did some breathing and acceptance but the thought of spending a whole month in another jail segregation frightened me.  The thought of losing what I had left of my mom frightened me, all my identification being lost frightened me since no one believes I am who I am.  I know someone has been using my name but what if there were more charges I would have to stay even longer.  The thought of how this wrongful charge would stop me from gaining employment scared me.  Who is gonna believe me against police, 4 white women and their friends.  It makes me sad now just thinking about this.  I have been out of jail 5 days and I’m just now able to write this and it still makes me sad for me, and sad for the women and men in there and the conditions.  When I say I was walked into chaos that is just what I seen.  I had never been to a jail with so many people.  The garage was relatively quiet, and I was walked into the entrance where it smelled like a port-o-potty where they did a form of a bodily scan similar to what they do at the airport.  Once we finished the X-ray I was escorted into another room where elevators were and we got on the elevator and I presume we went upstairs but to what floor I don’t know.  Then we walked into mayhem.  There were so many correctional officers in the intake room I thought everyone had to be on break.  The officers walked me to a counter where the property that I was allowed to bring was inspected.  I once again tried to plea my case that the officers just wanted me out of the house and had tried to have me committed to a mental institution and when they couldn’t do that, they arrested me when I heard “BLAM” (the slamming of shoes together jolted me) while the officer smiled stating they had OPC’d (Order for Protective Custody) me but I looked it up and it’s called an Emergency Detention and it doesn’t require a warrant, when someone poses a threat to themselves and they apparently used the disclosure about my emotions against me even though I did not pose a threat to myself or anyone else and I stated that and gave no physical symptoms of doing anything to myself.  One of the guards then took off my handcuffs and I must of disassociated because I was given my phone and when I got to the 3rd number I was told that “is all you can write.” Dang, I didn’t hear those instructions and the way they were rushing me I wasn’t allowed to change it or get a email or anything.  The police eventually finished what they had started as I believe they went in the back and talked to some of the correctional officers or maybe the nurse, I’m not sure.  When I heard a bunch of commotion from behind me and men’s voices saying, “spit it out” (BLAM, the slamming of someone else’s shoes) and I heard banging as I turned around to see the shadow of a bunch of people in a makeshift holding cell.  After awhile the scuffle finished and a man was escorted by 2 guards from behind the curtain to a chair.  He was tired and groaning about his arm being broken.  The male guard’s half laughing made sly comments about him taking some type of drug that another inmate had put in “his sock,” as another female correctional officer told me to head towards a big closest where they were doing searches.  Another female correctional officer joined us as I first walked into the closet and the 2 of them followed me.  “Take off your clothes and hand them to me” one of the correctional guards said as I turned to face them (BLAM, the slamming of shoes together jolted me, but I held in my jump this time).  Starting with my shirt I undressed handing my clothes that I had been wearing for a couple of days as I was scared to get in the shower due to the harassment of my housemates every couple of hours, I didn’t know what they would do next.  I felt so embarrassed as I was instructed to “turn around and squat and cough,” followed by one of the guards saying to “spread my cheeks we need to see all the way up in there.”  I did as I was instructed and handed my clothes and hurriedly, I put them on.  I was directed to stand in a line facing the nurses office with about 5 other men.  After standing there for a while the ambulance showed up to take a guy who had been in one of the nurse’s offices.  I begin to feel like I couldn’t stand anymore when I asked one of the female guards if I could have a seat.  She motioned me to a chair next to the nurse’s office to the left.  I sat there facing the nurse’s office as the nurse was what I presumed asking questions to a young guy.  I asked the correctional officer if I could use the sink right in front of me to rinse off some of the ink off of my hands after they did a makeshift finger printing and then I sat back down.  Eventually the nurse finished and I was motioned to come in.  (BLAM, the slamming of shoes again) She begin to take my vitals and ask me if I had been sick and a series of questions about my physical health.  I let her know about my environmental disability and I stated to her what the officers had tried to do to me but I was cleared by the hospital and I was not suicidal and had no plan of harming myself or anyone else (I made sure I was clear about that and restated that the hospital had cleared me as well).  I didn’t know she was finished she just started slamming stuff down and next thing you know the correctional officer came in and said she was through asking me questions.  I got up and was escorted back to a bunch of chairs facing a tv and 3 phones with no actual phones, just a speaker.  I was told to sit in the last row at the very end a way from everyone.  Behind me was the main walk way and then next to that was the desk where the correctional officers were and behind that was where they did the finger printing and took mugshots.  To the left of that was around 3-4 restrooms and to the left of that was where all the men were sitting and to the right of that were what I presume were cells for both men and women.  I must have sat there for a while as they called everyone to see the Magistrate, or you got interviewed for pre-release.  For some reason I was not getting called but again there were so many people it could very well have just been a busy night.  At first, they were saying “Suie,” or something like that but a new guard came and she begin to say, “this one is on suicide watch” and she begin to keep saying it when I finally turned around and asked, “are you talking about me?”  “I’m not suicidal.” She responded well, that’s not what the nurse said.  I begin to cry as this meant I was definitely going to be in segregation.  I made sure to do it quietly so as to not make my situation any worse.  At that point I was told to get ready for my pre-release interview.  This went relatively quickly, they asked for an emergency contact and that’s about all I could remember from that interview.  After that I went back to the seat where I promise you there were guards like intentionally bumping into the row of seats as they walked by, and at that point I was the only person in that row. This went on the whole time I was in the row by myself.  Every now and then I would get a big whiff of cologne, then cleaner it was a lot.  It reminded me that the officer wouldn’t allow me to bring my mask either even though it was right on the table.  They probably wouldn’t allow me to keep it anyway and when I asked, they gave me a regular mask that didn’t help with anything.  I just tried my best to cover my face with my shirt even though my face was getting kind of numb which is an indicator that whatever it was it was starting to make me have a reaction.  I was then called to go back to get finger printed and my photograph taken.  I went back there and at the same time I was told to get ready for Magistrate.  It was really overwhelming but I did my best to not be triggered because I knew for sure I would end up in segregation and ain’t no telling what that would be like. They gathered my fingerprints and photo and told me to go and sit down in the last seat in the last row (again) as the lady kept saying to the other guards how I was “suicidal.” I was like how do I file a grievance because there ain’t no way I should be listed as suicidal when I told her I just got out of the hospital for the officers tried to have me committed for feeling hopeless due to the abuse I endured.  I was then called to get in line for Magistrate and a few females, and like 10 men were ushered into a court room that was adjacent to where the nurse’s offices were.  By the time she called my name she basically gave me a “3000 bond” and that was that.  I wasn’t getting a get out of jail free card and I was to stay in this jail until I had a bail reduction hearing, or I got belled out and it wasn’t a guarantee when either of those were to happen.

I was escorted back to my seat where the guards behind me began to talk mess to one another.  They   were really playing the dirty dozens at work and the way they talked to the inmates if was no better.  I thought I had experienced verbal abuse, but this was no better as they were getting paid to treat people like they were shit and talk to them that way as well.  I arrived at the jail at around 9-10 pm at night and I didn’t get taken upstairs until around 11am the next day which was a Wednesday morning because I was a “suicide” and housed differently.  During that time a lady named “Samantha” with behavioral health came to talk to me about me being suicidal.  She asked me all the questions and told me that “I wasn’t suicidal” by her evaluation and that she would let the courts know.  I thought this would exempt me from being suicidal in jail but apparently, I didn’t ask the right questions, and she didn’t report our interaction to the jail at all.  By the time I was taken upstairs I was just happy to get out of that row.  Away from the guards bumping into the row of chairs and away from a high traffic area where multiple people walked and their fragrances lingered.  I went first to change clothes and the correctional officer, a Hispanic lady with braces called a man a “little boy” and he outright told her to “stop talking to me” ushered me into a room with clothes and gave me my clothes and shoes without even asking me my size and they seemed to fit just right.  Once I changed into the green striped jail clothes I was sent to a holding cell where it was suggested that I try to make any calls that I could.  I tried but it was unsuccessful.  I was in here alone and if I was going to get out it would be the hand of God and I was sure of that.  Eventually they tried to offer me sandwiches again made up of bologna and a cookie and orange and 4 pieces of bread.  I took it this time but kept it for later.  That was one plus is that I could lose weight because I wasn’t eating this food.  I was told that I would be going to the “old infirmary” but that was after I was taken to a floor that was predominantly men and sat in front of the nurse’s station next to a very young girl.  Eventually I was called into the nurse’s station where they took my vitals again and told me to “pee in a cup.”  I told the lady I hadn’t drank much but I would try and she offered me some water to help.  The Dr. called me back into the office and asked me 1 question: “do you have any medical issues” to which I responded about my environmental disability.  He then said “ok maam, mister, I mean maam.”  It was weird.  I was like I’m a girl, but I let it go.  I was then escorted back to the chair where they began cleaning the hallway.  It was so much cleaning fluid that the guards was like what did you do a “science experiment?” Again, all I could do was try to cover my face with my shirt, but my chest had begun to hurt in addition to my face becoming numb.  It felt like I was on display in front of the guards and all the men that walked by, but I just tried to keep the fumes from going in my nostrils and breathe at the same time.  Eventually another guard came to transport me to the old infirmary, and I think this was in “west tower” but I’m not sure.  I do know it was the old infirmary, and it looked like it.  By the time I got to the wing it was a series of 12-man cells, and I was to go into the last cell on the right.  It was at that point that I realized Samantha from behavioral health had not told the guards what she had told me when 3 C.O.’s told me I had to take off all my clothes.  “Your on suicide watch” they said as they motioned for me to take off my clothes with women watching me in front and women watching me in the cell I was to go into.  “No, I’m not taking off my clothes” I stated defiantly.  “I’m not suicidal” I said as tears begin to flow again.  “You have to wait to speak to behavioral health” one of the correctional officers said.  “I already did and she said I wasn’t.” I cried but they were not giving in.  “You have to” they said.  I said well “I’m not gonna take off my clothes.” One of the guards replied “you gonna make us fight you?”  “I’m not gonna fight y’all but I’m not taking off my clothes, so if you want them then you do it.” “So, we gonna cut them off of you.” “I said fine with me I’m not.” Upset the officers told me to turn around as she grabbed my shirt and roughly pulled it over my head almost getting caught on my face.  I said, “never mind” I’m gonna do it because I don’t want you hurting my face, I’m in enough pain.”  So I begin to undress and when I had all of my clothes off, I was given a smock similar to what you get in the hospitals except this was made out of paper and was held together on each shoulder and down the sides through perforations.  As soon as I walked into the room a black girl walked towards me butt ass naked and took one of the mats off of the bunk closest to the door as a motion that I could lay there.  I looked and it appeared as all the dirt/trash had been swept right there.  She walked back to her bunk and sat down talking to herself as she did.  Then another girl who was Hispanic walked up to me and introduced herself saying she “runs the pod.”  I asked her how long she had been here and she mumbled a few things that sounded like she didn’t quite no and then she went back to doing another Hispanic girls’ hair.   0I looked at the other black girl and she was asleep laying comfortable on a matt with no covers with the paper smock over her.  I quickly looked at everyone else to see that we were both on suicide watch but everyone else had jail clothes and a blanket.  I asked the black girl with her clothes on how long did it take her to be able to get her clothes back.  In a round about way she said that basically it had taken her weeks to get it back.  The Hispanic girl that had called herself the tank boss said it depends on how well I do.  Shaking my head I looked at the mat on the floor and the mat on the bunk and began to quietly cry.  I picked up the mat and tried to speak to the guard but was unable to hear her and according to her she was unable to hear me.  I presume it was because one of the toilets was on automatic flush (meaning it was flushing non-stop) and you had to literally put your face into the small opening in the door in order for them to hear you or vice versus.  It was now down to one guard outside sitting at a wobbly desk facing down the hall with a clock and her lunch at the table.  “Can you please sanitize my mat because it’s dirty and I don’t have a blanket or anything.”  She looked up at me and didn’t respond.  I repeated that someone had been laying on this and I need some cleaning spray please.  Mumbling to herself she got up and came to the door and asked me again what I needed.  I said can “you please give me a new matt because someone has already laid on this.”  What looked like cursing under her breath she opened the door and motioned towards the mat.  I grabbed the mat and handed it to her while trying to keep myself covered, however as I handed it to her my paper towel a.k.a smock ripped right down the side exposing my breast and part of my private area.  Grabbing the mat, she moved away from the door and closed it.  “Can I please get a new smock.”  “You asking for too much now,” she responded as she slid the mat to the adjacent hallway and grabbed the spray bottle and begin to spray the matt and half-way wiped it down.  Once she finished, she opened the door to the pod and flung the mat inside the door and closed it right after.  “Please can I get a new smock,” I yelled and she rolled her eyes and sat back down at the table and begin looking at her work phone I’m guessing.  Grabbing the mat, I sat it on the floor by the door where there didn’t seem to be as much debris.  I began trying to hold my paper smock together but the more I tried to tug at it the more it tore.  I finally had tore the smock completely and tried my best to at least cover my bottom half with one hand.  Motioning through the window to my naked body I mouthed “please can I have a new smock.”  With an irritated look she got up from the table going to the adjacent hallway she returned with a new smock and pushed it through the window saying “I’m gonna let them know that I gave you another one and not to give you anymore.”  I was like this is crazy, ain’t no way they expect people to walk around naked in here like this.  Soon it was dinner time and everyone lined up for food except the other Black girl that had been sleep since I got into Pod 14 in the old infirmary.  I thought maybe she was on medication the way she just laid there and didn’t move.  She didn’t even move as the Black and Hispanic girl took turns having what I would call as outburst attributed to maybe Schizophrenia.  I finally got so tired I just I attempted to sit on the mat on the floor in a way I could sit on the smock but again I ended up tearing it.  Getting back up I took off the smock and just laid on it.  When a new guard came, I asked for another one and she replied “no” I had, had too many.  I began to cry again.  It was so cold I couldn’t even think straight.  I had to sit down now because I was completely naked and even though most of the women in the pod seemed to suffer from severe mental health issues it still was degrading to even attempt to walk around.  As I resigned to sitting on the floor on top of my paper smock an older lady who had been sleeping on the floor on the other side from me got up and came over to the big tablet on the wall next to where my mat was.  They would take turns walking over to it, typing a few things and then walking away.  I guess it was a way of keeping them feeling like they were reaching out to people but none of them were.  The Hispanic girl that seemed to suffer from Schizophrenia motioned to the guard that the older lady who was standing by me had washed her hands in the toilet and the guard knocked on the window at me saying “stay out the toilet.”  I was like “I did not wash my hands in the toilet,” but what difference did it make whether they thought I did or didn’t the older lady was now rubbing her hands over her face and her neck and arms then she touched the big tablet on the wall and I was like this is a different kind of jail hell.

Then the Hispanic girl bent down and told me she loved me and right when I begin to smile at her she reached out and poked me.  “Don’t touch me,” I said and she laughed and stood up speaking to the other Hispanic girl who wasn’t Schizoid but had self-harm marks that covered the entire inside of her arm from her under arms to her wrist.  I didn’t move because I was naked and cold and when the next guard came on duty I thought I would try to get another smock and I was successful.  I tried to hold on to the torn one I had been laying on but in order to get a new one I had to give them the old one.  What could I do with this but use it for toilet tissue (which we did have to ask for toilet tissue every time we had to use the bathroom) but apparently, they had rules and that was one of them.  I begin to notice there was a brunette white girl who kept moving her mat from the bunk on the other side to the floor and then by the area where the toilet was on the floor.  I guess this got their attention or she had already been evaluated but soon the guards called her name and told her to roll it up (I’m paraphrasing, because I’m not sure how they said it, I just know she was allowed to leave and because I wasn’t allowed a pencil or tablet I couldn’t write anything down).  I think when the Black girl with clothes on started to become activated that in turn made her feel uncomfortable.  Anyways once she left, I noticed there was an open bunk over there on the other side and due to the coldness, I thought it would be better if I wasn’t on the cold ground.  Moving my mattress on top of the other one I carefully laid down on the mat on the bunk so as not to tear my smock.  However, I did anyway and I just laid there so that I wouldn’t tear it anymore because with every movement the paper was tearing and there was nothing, I could do about it.  I can say there was never a dull moment as both the Black and Hispanic girl seemed to react off of one another.  One would start with an episode and then the other one would join in.  It was like watching Telemundo and BET with no reruns.  There was a tv, but it was broken and the shower looked like fifty shades of gain green on the floor.  So, I mostly just prayed the prayers I could remember and spoke in tongues in between watching them pace and react off of one another.  I tried my best to look like I wasn’t talking to myself so that I could get out of there sooner rather than later.  There was a white girl on the bunk next to the older lady on the floor and when the dinner came late that apparently set her off and that’s when I learned she was probably Schizophrenic as well as she begins to get up and start pacing and talking to herself also.  Eventually someone from mental health came to collect urine from her and she readily took the cup but continued with her episode of pacing and cussing to herself.  That’s when I went to the window and tried to plead my case that I didn’t belong here but was reminded that I had to wait for a different mental health person to come and see me and that they didn’t know what time that would be.  Sometime in the am a young white girl came in with a paper smock as well and she proudly took it off and begin to walk around naked and speaking to everyone with no shame.  I was embarrassed for her, but she wasn’t as she yelled to the women in Pod 12 across from us that they had “picked her up getting into a car.”  Soon after she arrived, she asked the same questions I did and was low key staring at me, but I paid it no mind.  Breakfast came and with Breakfast came another Black girl and another white girl all in the paper smocks.  The new white girl laid her mat next to the young white girl with no shame in walking around naked and the Black girl moved to the spot I was originally in when I came into the unit.  They came in to pick her up basically right after she came in and after that the mental health people showed up and I jumped right up to go to the window when the young girl with no shame beat me to it.  I was told to wait, and I did even though I was there first.  The interview basically consisted of the same questions I had been asked by the mental health professional Samantha downstairs.  After interviewing everyone in white smocks minus the Black girl who had left for an appointment they left.  A dr. or a nurse arrived to collect the urine sample from the girl on the bunk next to the older lady, but she refused to go over to the window or get up.  I tried to coax her to get up and give the sample so that she could get medicine but that only seemed to agitate her as she begins to walk around the unit talking to herself louder and louder holding the cup.  Eventually she goes to the toilet and as we all watched went to the bathroom.  Once she finished, she set the cup down on the ledge next to her and I gasped and began to cry.  What had she been eating, how long had she been in there, what in God’s name was going on as I stared at the cup that contained urine but looked more like motor oil.  The young girl said she must have a “disease, or that’s blood.”  She got up without wiping herself because  of course she didn’t have any tissue and grabbed the cup and set it on the ledge in the door where the nurse grabbed it and hightailed it out of the unit.  Crying I watched her begin to spin out and yell to someone that wasn’t there.  She sat on the table and on the ledge and that’s when I noticed the blood stains on her private area and I said out loud “that’s blood she is on her period, thank God!”  I walked up to the ledge and asked for a pad for her and a change of clothes and this time the guard was more receptive and got the items I had requested for her.  Still yelling she eventually grabbed them from the open window in the door and went to her bed and put the blanket over her head and began to undress and change.  Noticing there was blood here and there, debris and dirt everywhere and no one was washing their hands or anything I asked for a broom and cleaning solutions so I could sanitize and I was told “no.”  Eventually after I kept asking the lady she said “look y’all can’t have those supplies (and that makes sense because we even had to eat with our hands and only a few had Styrofoam cups, but I didn’t as well as all the new people that had come).  “I would come in there and clean but I need someone else to be here I can’t come in when I’m the only one on the unit.”  Walking away I was amazed at how we were being treated.  No way to call, no way to complain, no help, this was my reality.  And to think these women couldn’t even advocate for themselves if they wanted to.  After a while the lady called me over to the window and told me to file a grievance to the state about the conditions once I was released.  She wasn’t like the other guards who talked about me, who refused to give you another paper smock and make you walk around naked and who would turn the clock around so you couldn’t see what time it was and then fall asleep while they were on the job.  She wasn’t like them at all and had put some sanitizing liquid on a brown paper towel and handed it to me through the window so I could wipe down what I could.  After getting my clothes and a blanket I decided to get in the shower partially because I still didn’t have shoes as there was no way I was putting my bare feet on the shower floor that was bound to give you athletes foot at the least.  Taking a heax-bath basically in front of everyone I felt a little bit better. 

I noticed the woman that was on the floor next to the younger girl by the shower eating an apple as I was trying to wash up, and I politely asked her could she come back after I was finished washing up which she did.  As I went back to my bunk, I noticed my apple from breakfast was gone.  I immediately remembered the girl coming by the shower and walked over to her to ask her why she ate my apple.  She replied, “I didn’t know it was yours” “well you knew it wasn’t yours it’s not by you it was by me.” “I will give it back to you,” “I don’t want nothing from you I want you not to touch my stuff.”  Well, this must have set off the Hispanic girl because she started going off on the both the younger girl and the one that had stole my apple.  And from that time on every time that girl opened her mouth the Hispanic girl cussed her out, out.  Until finally the younger girl begins to scream at her even though I tried to tell her that she couldn’t help it and that would quiet her down for a little while but once the Hispanic girl caught her talking again it was on again.  This went on until they pulled the young girl out of the unit and placed her somewhere else.  Eventually they came to move the Black girl with Schizophrenia, the white girl who stole my apple, and the young girl who they had put in a holding cell within the Infirmary, and myself off the unit.  Now I told the mental health evaluator that I wanted to be put in a regular cell, but I didn’t know that the regular cell would be 68 women and that’s where I got transferred to C unit in a different tower (I think it was the North tower but I’m not sure).  As soon as I got to the unit my nerves were on 10.  It wasn’t loud, it was just uncomfortable.  There were 2 open beds, one on the bottom floor  and one up the stairs, both top bunks.  I chose the bottom floor because it would be easier to get to the door.  I immediately went wiped down my mat and begin to make my bed when the woman underneath me came over and I asked was it ok if I made my bed up top.  She replied, “it’s not my house” and  sat down.  The way the bunk was set up I was directly under the tv, so it felt weird as people were watching me.  The lady, also on the top bunk next to me, started a conversation but it seemed weird as she had what seemed to be a smirk on her face.  Once I made my bed I tried to get on the tablet, but it wouldn’t let me login.  I asked the lady below me who looked familiar if she had a bible and she was like let me go find you one.  I thought that was weird but chalked it off to maybe she was just being friendly.  About 20 minutes later there was an announcement for prayer circle.  Something told me not to go so I just stayed on my bunk and tried to go to sleep.  I mean this was day/night 2 in the jail and I had not really gotten any sleep since Friday, and it was now Wednesday.  So, I covered my head with the blanket and fell asleep.  Now this part one could say I was dreaming but I wasn’t.  When I tell you I woke up to the whole unit loud asf.  And the strong scent of cleaning spray.  I just put the blankets tighter over my head and really fell back to sleep out of exhaustion only to wake up to my bunky talking to me on one side and the white girl who was on the top bunk next to me talking at the same time.  I did not move, what the fuck was this I thought to myself. My bunky was like “you got a whole lot going on,” and the lady next to me just repeated what she said but I said nothing because it was at this point that my chest, and head was hurting and my face was numb.  I was beginning to cough, but I just forced myself to go back to sleep or either I passed out from exhaustion but what I felt next was one of the worst night terrors I had, had in a long time.  I felt like pain in my head that felt like pins going into my head or what felt like maybe strands of hair being pulled out and it was like I was being drowned.  All I could remember is my voice saying “please don’t kill me,” as I woke myself up and immediately got off the bunk, and I heard laughing, and  I smelled what like seemed to be a ton of aerosol or cleaner and my eye begin to jump as well as other body parts as I could barely swallow I walked over to the guard in the middle who now was a different guard and asked to please be able to go to the nurses office because I was having an allergic reaction.  The guard who seemed really young with a smile on her face said to “go lay back down you have to put in a request.” I responded that I could not go back and lay down and that I needed to get out of this unit because of all the cleaner in the air, and that I could not breath, and I needed to go right now because I was having a reaction.”  She repeated that I needed to “go back to my bed.” And I said I could not that someone had been spraying a lot and it was triggering my disability and that they were laughing about it.” Smiling she said, “I don’t hear anyone laughing,” and I just turned around and sat on the steps by her and requested that I be able to go to the nurse’s office.  The guard then got on the phone, and I could hear her saying something about up from her post and went outside the unit and returned saying they’re coming and that’s when I turned towards the door, put my hands up and saw 3 guards coming in.  I repeated what I said to the other guard and begged to please be able to go to the nurse.  I’m not sure if they said yes or no but they allowed me past only to get to the hallway to almost fall as one of the trustees had just mopped the floor in front of the unit I was in.  I managed to get to the wall where there was a thin line that wasn’t mopped and I used the wall to hold me up as I made my way to the nurse’s office down the hall. 

Once I got into the office I sat down as directed by the nurse so she could take my vitals.  I let her know that I was having a reaction and that I needed prednisone to alleviate the symptoms as my body begin to shake I explained to her all the symptoms I had been having, the dizziness, the left lung specifically feeling like a stack of books on top of them, not being able to swallow, nerves shaking on my body and an excruciating headache.  The nurse then said that she couldn’t prescribe but the next nurse who was coming could prescribe.  I laid down on the bench in the nurse’s office as my body shaked and prayed as I waited for the nurse to come.  Eventually the nurse came and she explained to her that I was having a mental health emergency, and I told her I was not that I was having an allergic reaction, and she told me that you could prescribe.  The 2nd nurse said that she couldn’t prescribe either and I needed to go back to the unit I came from.  I told her that I felt dizzy and could not walk and her response was that I was going to “crawl.”  I then said that I was not going to crawl and that I needed to speak to a dr. if either of them could not prescribe.  I just stopped talking so maybe that would help the symptoms go away since it seemed I was not going to get any medication to make my symptoms dissipate.  Eventually one of the correctional officers called me out of the nurse’s office to a mat on the floor and I laid there until the trustees began to mop out there as well and walk back and forth as close to me as possible or at least it felt like that.  I then got on the chair and turned as much as I could from facing the guard’s desk and the trustees who were going back and forth.  I then asked if I could go back into the nurse’s office because I still didn’t feel well and I was told that I could not as they began to spray down their desk with cleaner as well and all I could do was try to cover my head with my shirt as best as I could.  I don’t know how long I stayed out there, but I remember a mental health Dr. came to see me and I was told that he “cleared me” to go back to the unit and I declined that.  I then had to wait for a while for what I presume was in the afternoon on Thursday when there was another girl that had gotten into it with someone in their unit and we were both sent to a holding cell.  I sat right by the door, and she sat in and I began to cry.  My symptoms weren’t as bad, but they were enough that I was still coughing here and there.  She even gave me a hug I guess she felt sorry for me, and we spent basically all day in there until they brought in another girl who was so loud.  I mean she was loud and I couldn’t really understand what she was saying she was speaking with such a thick accent.  I think she was doing that so that they couldn’t understand through her through the intercom.  I just remember her saying “I don’t play about my family,” but the weird part is she was saying this while she was standing directly in front of me.  She then begins to talk about a girl who weirdly resembled the girl who I originally was sent to the holding cell with. Saying she allowed her niece to be photographed by her boyfriend saying she was scared of her boyfriend.  She got graphic and I was like I didn’t want to hear anymore but she continued on anyways.  She then begins to openly blow her nose into the air with no tissue and acknowledged that she had just blew a booger out.  That’s when I confirmed to myself that she was being disrespectful intentionally as a Hispanic girl was brought in.  I turned my back and tried my best to get comfortable when some guards who had been coming to check on us every 15 minutes or so came and said we were all moving except for the girl with the thick accent.  I was hoping I was moving to a single cell where I was told there was a tv and I could come out when I wanted to but that was a hope unfulfilled as I was taken to a dirty time out cell in I pod if I’m not mistaken even though there were clean ones, but I didn’t complain.  At least I was allowed blankets and my change of underwear and bra.  I took this opportunity to take another heax bath and wash out my underwear and lay down. 
I would like to say I got a lot of rest but that wasn’t the case.  The whole night was filled with the guard opening and closing both doors (the door to the main hallway and the door to where the whole unit was and I was located in between in a single cell) and the trustees and guards coming to look in and ask me stupid questions, only they had the answers too.  It sounded like they were having a party in the unit after a while and I kept asking if I could please get my tablet as I wasn’t in trouble but their response was I couldn’t have it while I was in the time out cell, “but you will be moved soon,” I was reassured.  Eventually the morning came and I was moved back into the old infirmary right across from the unit I had originally been taken to.  I asked for toilet paper and I wasn’t given it but I was given a court date where I was granted release without bail as long as I seen a therapist and honestly I had to lie and say I had been given housing through my church in order to get out when in reality I had applied for the program when I was on C unit but once I opened the request in the old infirmary it said the program was no longer available.  Anything was better than being stuck in jail even if I had to be houseless or in a shelter.  By the time I was moved to processing where I could get out it was around 6 pm on Tuesday and nothing was open.  There was a stud who got out with me, and we agreed to stick together until I could get in the Union Gospel Mission or some other sober housing.  I had a few dollars, and my phone was still on so I bought the both of us something to drink and periodically we shared food and rode the train all night until we couldn’t anymore and then we slept outside at a bus station with the rest of the houseless people.  My workout pants had to be rolled up to even stay on and I had my slippers but surprisingly this lady came with a whole pair of jeans that fit me perfectly and I gave her the last couple dollars I had on me.  Coincidence, I think not.  We stayed together for 2 nights and she was able to get her property from the police station and we even went to a Celebrate Recovery at Lovers Lane that I had been going to that the Oxford officer from chapter 34  had tried to connect me back with but they didn’t help but one of them did say they would “pray for me,” and the other one who was the actual women’s leader didn’t even respond.  But I guess she told them they did.  They were actually a little rude but at least we got knitted blankets from them.  On the last night we ran into 2 dudes who I think she left with because I wasn’t going for none of that and did not entertain any of the advances made.  She said she was coming back but I knew she wasn’t when she took her charger with her.  I still waited a little bit but maybe she just felt uncomfortable with goodbyes.  Anyways I appreciated her keeping the dudes away for as long as she could and believe me, I felt it when she wasn’t there because I had dudes just coming up to me on the train, it was a lot.  It was like since she wasn’t with me, I was more noticeable to the transit police as well.  I was constantly getting asked for my fare, but when she was there, I wasn’t it was like way easier. 

I found out that the housemates at Oxford house had put my stuff outside and moved it somewhere else even though I had only been in jail for a week (which was against Oxford’s policy but apparently, it’s ok as long as they are the ones that break it).  I walked about East Dallas to the library downtown and waited until I was able to get into a different sober living that is way more expensive, with more restrictions, and out the way away from my church but I’m still thankful.  I’m currently looking for a job and a way to keep me from getting my phone turned off etc. and pay rent.  I know God is with me, even against all of them, and every circumstance he is still with me.  And I know I wouldn’t have survived any of this had it not been for the Lord, had it not been for the strength that God gave me to be able to turn down drugs, alcohol and fast money while in the elements, know matter how much I needed the money or how much that temporary high would have helped me forget my circumstances and the cold. And I know when I go back to court I’m gonna be found not guilty because I am, and I’m gonna be alright with the Lord on my side I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me for every battle and every situation.  Thank you, Jesus, for protecting JDPBS4God forever, Amen.
Judges 15: 15-18 (KJV)
“And he said unto him, oh my Lord, wherewith shall I save Israel? Behold, my family is poor in Manasseh, and I am the least in my father’s house.” “And the Lord said unto him, Surely I will be with thee, and thou shalt smite the Midianites as one man.” “And he said unto him, if now I have found grace in thy sight, then shew me a sign that thou talkest with me.” “Depart not hence, I pray thee, until I come unto thee, and bring forth my present, and set it before thee. And he said I will tarry until thou come again.” Amen.