Category Archives: Everything’s Bigger in Texas

My account of how I survived Texas, where everything is bigger except….

September 26, 2026Everything's Bigger in TexasJoyclyn

Heal or Jail, Write or Die….A survivor’s memoir in pursuit of the healing society said she needed, Ep. 3, Pt.2., Refuge For Women (Texas): Wise County Crazy

(Journal Entry September 17th, 2026)

Thank you, God, because of you I woke up today, thank you for changing me, changing my heart. Because of you I have grown into a caliber of Woman that I never thought was even possible and I’m still growing. Because of you I keep passing these tests and if I may say you are the best teacher, tutor and study buddy I’ve ever had. Because of you my needs continue to be met, sometimes even my wants, and I’m so thankful. Anything I’m given is because of you, any money I earn is because of you, any door that opens or closes is because of you; and although I don’t always understand it, I’m learning to come to you about it and endure. Because of you I have patience. Because of you I have Joy in the midst of unbelievable trials and betrayal beyond measure. A year ago, today I was released from Wise County after serving close to a month in solitaire confinement for seeking help, for seeking healing, and for going to the hospital for an allergic reaction in a State and County that saw it fit for me to be incarcerated instead of in a place of healing. But God, because of you, I made it through what felt like torture and punishment. When it is all said and done and you decide to bring me home, it will be because of you; and no one else and you will forever be My Jehovah-Jireh, my Yahweh; The Lord will see to it; The Lord who provides, I’m so blessed!

About a year ago….

I turned around following the officers’ orders and allowed him to put me in handcuffs. Everything seemed so surreal. I immediately became scared of being pulled down the steps, so I made sure to do exactly everything that he said the way he said it. Even repeating it just to make sure that was what he wanted me to do. How did my stuff show up right when I was being arrested, that was crazy, I thought to myself. I did my best to remain calm but all I could think about was Sandra Bland. “Please don’t Sandra Bland me I said, these handcuffs are too tight, can you loosen them?” “They’re not too tight,” the officer replied. “We don’t have far to go to get to the station. I tried to be hopeful as we pulled out of the parking lot of Medical City, Decatur hospital. I would tell the correction officer that I was a survivor and what happened and they would release me on my own recognizances. I would maybe do a night; I could deal with one night, I thought to myself. The officer was right we pulled up to a small seemingly brown building in what couldn’t have been more than 5 minutes. “What is this is this the Jail?” “This is Wise County; it’s the Jail for Decatur and surrounding areas.” “When will I see the judge?” (I don’t quite remember the exact name the officer used but he we will just call him jail administrator). “You can ask the jail administrator when you get booked.” “Oh, ok,” I responded as I waited in the back of the police car, the officer pulled all my suitcases out of the back of the squad car in addition to what looked like black plastic bags I assumed were filled with the stuff they couldn’t pack up.

“Am I able to check and see if my mom’s alabaster box is there, and the bible she gave me, and I need my mask, and my letter that says my disability, please?” “I’m not the one you ask, but if you act right, it shouldn’t be a problem.” We went through one door where we were met by a guard and that led to a small hallway that had 2 cells immediately to the right and an open space that was surrounded by cells, benches, and hallways that led to various parts of the building. I was told to sit down to the left while he checked me in asking again if he “could bring my suitcases with him to the station,” while I was being housed here. After asking at least three times about storing my things one of the correctional guards replied that “they would have room in one of the storages” back there. Realizing that the long term storage of my things meant I wouldn’t be getting out as quickly as I thought, the officer sat down behind the counter directly in front of me and begin asking me intake questions. To my left there was a group of Mexicans speaking Spanish one of whom was staring at me intensely and without thinking I told him to “take a picture because it would last longer” as the C.O. waived his hand at the Mexican stating “No.” looking back at me he shook his head and repeated “no” as he pushed my intake papers towards me.

“I have a mask, I need to wear my mask, and I have a Dr.’s note about my environmental sensitivity, can you get it out of my stuff?” “I don’t see why not as long as you behave.” He said shuffling my papers making sure I signed everything. “You’re going to have to take a shower in that room, and then you will change,” he said as he pointed behind him and I asked again, “when will I see the judge?” “The judge will be back tomorrow.” “The judge comes here I don’t go to a courtroom?” “That’s different.” I said as he walked away to find my Dr.’s note in my belongings. Returning with the envelope and my now tattered mask he explained that “I would not be able to wear the N95 mask but one of their masks instead.” Pushing a stiff light blue mask with a small metal bar on it with no ventilation, my direction; I reluctantly took it imagining what it would be like trying to breathe out of it. “Ok, but your sure the judge comes on a Sunday? “Yes” he said as he stood up. “What size do you wear?” “I’m a large.” “Ok,” he said as he walked towards a row of jail house clothes and what looked like a sheet and a washcloth all combined. Bending down he grabbed a mat and went into a different room and emerged with clothes pointing towards the door where I was to take my shower. “Just knock on the door when you’re ready to come out.” Grabbing the bundle of clothes, I went into the cell that housed a metal mirror, sink, attached toilet, chair, and a shower, and showered and changed into jailhouse stripes. After knocking on the door, a correctional guard opened it and pointed me towards the holding cell next to the entrance that the officer and I had came through. Once inside I could tell this was the cell that they probably put people who were intoxicated as it reeked of vomit, and urine and had no benches.

Pushing my mat towards the wall I used part of it to cover the huge drain I was partly on top of and I used the other half to cover the wall so I wouldn’t be touching it or the mystery stains that decorated it. Exhausted from everything, I tucked my pants into my socks that one of the correctional officers allowed me to grab out of my belongings and my shirt into my pants and closed my eyes. Feeling fluttering on my face I attempted to open both my eyes and while one of them opened the other one felt fluttering resistance. Finally opening my left eye I seen the biggest bug I had ever seen battling its wings against my eyelashes and I screamed and as I screamed, I came out of everything I was wearing including my socks. “Hey quiet it down,” the guard yelled as he banged on the only window into my cell. “There’s a fucking bug on me!” I screamed as I pulled off another piece of clothing and stepped on it. “Help me, what the fuck kind of bug was that, it was as big as my head?” Now naked and crying I banged back on the door “I need another pair of clothes, there was bugs on that,” “I’m not giving you nothing until you stop screaming and crying!” the new guard said. Trying to stop crying I rocked back and forth still naked I was now afraid to touch anything in the cell so I just cried and turned in circles looking for the next dinosaur of a bug to jump on me. “Please sir, I can’t stop crying, please I need some more clothes?” Finally, with what sounded like his last nerves he screamed “What size are you?” from the other side of the room. “Large, please a large.” I said half crying and trying to see out of the window. Eventually the guard came back and handed me clothes. No longer ashamed I quickly grabbed and put them on as he closed the door he told me to “Let him know when I had put on my clothes.”

Banging on the door to signal I was ready, the guard motioned with one hand across the administrative area as he popped the door using his key with the other. Still crying I half ran out of the cell I was in, into a bigger one with benches. This one at least had something I could sit on. After scanning the bench and attached wall for a spot that seemed like the cleanest, I retucked my clothes and got as comfortable as I could on metal benches. Still crying but quieter I tried self-soothing techniques to get myself to stop, none of them worked. Eventually I was allowed 2 phone calls and a chance to see the judge and so I was allowed out of the cell into the administrative area. As I explained my situation to the C.O. who I’m assuming was a part of pre-release I was sure that they would understand and let me go. “I’m a survivor, I was at a place for healing, a shelter, when I had an allergic reaction and they didn’t help me then, nor after which caused me to be trespassed from the hospital I sought services from that I had no idea where I was at.” I went on to say I had my driver’s license, my passport, my social security card, I just didn’t have a place to stay yet as my “Mom had just passed a few months earlier.” Finally, I was told to stand at the very end of the administrative counter and the judge would see me. Walking a few steps to the end one of what I assumed were correctional guards turned around and asked me my name. Oh, this was the judge, very different than what I was used to, “yes your honor and I’m a survivor and I don’t belong in jai”…. Cutting me off he said, “I need to make sure you are who you say you are.” “You have a 500 bond,” Wait, your honor I’m having a reaction I shouldn’t be in jail.” Cutting me off again he said “you were strong enough to….” And then he stopped mid-sentence. “That’s it, I’m finished,” and with that a C.O. stepped forward and motioned his had to the bench on the other side of the administrative area. “He’s done, your gonna get yourself in trouble you keep running off at the mouth, you have a $500 bail or you wait for court that’s your options.”

“But I don’t belong in here, I’m a survivor, please don’t make me stay in here.” “It’s not up to me; you saw the judge now you can have your phone calls.” Pulling out the list of numbers I was able to write down before they took my phone away again, I began trying to call both my daughters and none of them answered. Finally, trying my cousin I told him briefly what happened to me without sounding too crazy as I was still halfway crying and hadn’t grasped the magnitude of what I had just survived. The more I tried to listen the louder the administrative area became as they began horse playing, even throwing the small football they had behind the desk. I had already gotten on their bad side as I had filled out a grievance already and had been threatened with more time in holding if I didn’t stop crying and being loud and now here, they were making way more noise than I was able to and I couldn’t help it. Holding back the tears and holding up my hand I tried asking them to “hold it down” and they looked at me and just kept on playing. Trying my best to yell and explain where I was at, I called a friend and he said, “you better get out of there,” not realizing the gravity of being in wise county I foolishly said I can ride it out, it’s just a trespassing charge I should be able to get some kind of help.” And I would get help alright, but not the kind that releases you from jail. Back in the holding cell I realized that one side of the cell would get colder than the other because of the vent over head so I would move accordingly. I also got to know the gentlemen that were at the other end of the vent as they would randomly yell obscenities through the vent in an attempt to express some misplaced anger they were experiencing. Finally, I was told to wait in the hallway as I was being introduced to the jail and would no longer have to be in the holding. It had been 2 days, and I was still in holding. As I went and lined up on the bench a female C.O. looked at me from down the hallway and marched over to me without saying one word she snatched my mask off. “I need that I have an environmental disability and I could get sick and end up in the hospital.”

“Sit back down right now before I put you back in holding, I don’t see where you have to wear it and I need to see you for identification purposes,” sitting my now crumpled mask down on the counter she turned her back towards me and laughed with another correctional officer. Sitting back down, I did my best to remain calm as I still had tears occasionally coming from eyes I tried to think happy thoughts. I shouldn’t have a hard time breathing in here C.O.’s didn’t wear a lot of perfume; I thought, I thought I would be ok. Eventually it was my turn to grab a new mat and bedding and I was led to what was to be my new home without the mask I was given for my environmental disability. The entrance to the cell was filled with circle tables and stools that were made of metal then the bathroom and tv suspended in the air to the left. To the right was another door that led to a series of cells on each side with a table, an attached toilet and sink, and top and bottom bunks. At the end of the hallway was another door. Looking around I went into each room as they were all unlocked and eventually, I settled on the cell to the right that was closest to the door that I had originally entered through. Every 15 minutes a female C.O. would come in and walk all the way to the door that led to the cells and press a red button. It was about the 3rd round that I had experienced when the C.O. poked her head in the cell across the way and spoke. “Someone is in there?” I asked. “Yes, she is sleep, if she wakes up let her know she can get a razor.” “Ok, I thought I was in here by myself.” Making my bed on the bottom bunk I changed my mind and decided to put it on the top because I had no clue who or what was in that other cell. Eventually dinner arrived and the guard came in and sat down 2 trays and 2 cups filled with what looked like water. Grabbing my tray and moving it to the next table over I picked through it before coming to the conclusion that I wasn’t hungry.

Eventually a light skinned slender young woman with braids emerged from the row of cells half-asleep and grabbed the remaining tray and sat down. “Do you want mine?” I said as I slid it towards her. Shaking her head in agreement she grabbed the tray and sat back down. This happened at least 3 more times before our conversation progressed past pleasantries. Eventually she explained that she had been in Wise County for a month and a half and had been in “2 different cells where she had gotten into it both times, with the last time being accused of stealing something” that resulted in her being put in here by herself until I came. “I’m sorry that happened to you.” “It’s ok, she was the tank boss, it happens.” She said as she walked over to tablets placed in holders on the wall. Pulling one out she turned it on and moved it in the air in an attempt to get coverage. “These don’t work, none of these work, I’ve tried.” “Well, then how do you speak to someone?” “You send a letter, I guess.” “I have been complaining and they haven’t done anything yet.” I’m not sure how long I spent in that cell, but long enough to go to the yard a few times and I’m assuming you would go every other day. The first time I went to the yard by myself as my celly said that she “couldn’t go because she didn’t get along with the girl in a certain unit. Once I got to the gym area I recognized it as being where one of the C.O.’s had let me go to get some fresh air when I was in the holding tank. Grabbing the ball, I walked to the toilet and sink area and turned on the water and put my hands underneath it. This was much colder than the water in my cell I thought as I dropped the bal and cupped my hands to grab a mouth full of water. Walking around the yard bouncing the ball I began to regulate my nervous system as much as possible. I could hear what sounded like a freeway through the vents above me. There was a vent above me on each side but one seemed to have cold air coming from it and one just sound, the sound of roaring cars because sometimes it sounded just like a freeway. I shouldn’t be in here much longer, I hoped as I circled occasionally bouncing shooting the ball into the basket as I rounded each side.

The door opened and 2 women entered and walked around the opposite sides until we eventually met in the middle, when the white girl asked, “what sign I was” thinking it deeper than it actually was I thought it best to say a “child of God,” instead of saying a Virgo. The white girl nodded with approval while the Mexican girl just smiled. Looking at them both I decided that it had been the white girl that my celly probably had the issue with because the Mexican girl couldn’t speak English as the white girl spoke to her completely in Spanish. After a few more rounds the guard waved to me from the other side to line up by the door. Doing as I was told I was led back to the cell I shared with “Elizabeth,” that was her name. Once I got inside the C.O. walked over to the entrance of the row of cells and said “y’all are both about to get moved and I don’t want no trouble out of either of you, any trouble and you come right back here.” “I don’t cause trouble ma’am I’m trying to get out, but I hear you.” Eventually she came back. I’m not sure if it was day or night as there were no windows in the cell nor anyway to tell what time of day it was because the tablets didn’t work. As we were both led to the new cell everyone was asleep. Looking at the clock that this cell had I could see it was well into the afternoon, but everyone was still asleep. Immediately, Elizabeth moved her stuff on the floor closest to the door. I saw 2 open bunks, and I tried to motion to her to grab one she shook me off and quietly said she was “fine on the floor.” Grabbing a bottom bunk I quickly made my bed and quietly lay down until everyone else woke up.

A few hours later I heard someone come over and quietly tap on the glass signaling the guard. I looked up and saw that it was the older lady. We made eye contact and she gave me a small smile that I returned. As soon as the rest of the ladies saw her moving around, I noticed they did as well. I remained on my bed and tried to motion to Elizabeth who didn’t even move when the older lady got up nor did she look once everyone started moving around. Shortly after that lunch or dinner arrived and they all got in line with the older lady in the front. Walking over to the pallet on the floor I gently tapped the end of the mat to see if she would wake up. After the 3rd time she begin to move. “The food is here, are you eating?” Shaking her head in agreement she began to stretch, and I got in line. I didn’t understand how everyone just slept all the time, but they did. I was the only one sitting down at the table as everyone went back to their bunk, including Elizabeth, whose pallet was still on the floor even though there were open bunks. After a few moments after speaking with the other ladies the older lady came back over and put everything, I assumed that they didn’t want on the table for grabs. Grabbing all the sugar free Kool-Aid packets without thinking I turned towards Elizabeth and pushed everything I didn’t want towards her. She looked over at the group of women who didn’t return the look and then she grabbed the remaining stuff. Thinking that was weird I didn’t pay too much mind. That night we all bonded on what brought us there including Elizabeth. There was one lady who was from a different county but everyone seemed to be there on drug crimes except me. We prayed together and one of the girls even let me borrow her bible because she “had 2.”

I’m not sure how much time went by but it couldn’t have been more than 2 days. One of the ladies from another county got moved and although there were multiple bunks Elizabeth did not want to get on one. I now know it was because of the older lady, and her small crew but I didn’t at the time. Seeing it was a good time to try to use the bathroom I went over and wiped down the toilet seat, laid out the tissue as a makeshift toilet seat cover and sat down when here comes the older lady all in my space trying to hold a conversation while I’m still on the toilet. I froze, I knew this wasn’t jail house etiquette but what could I do. Getting off the toilet the older lady was forced to give me some room. As I turned to wash my hands she came back making more idle chit chat so I thought it would be a good time to advocate for myself, “hey do you think you could not come over to the toilet while I’m sitting on it?” The look on her face was like I had just asked her to go against her morales. She shook her head but it wasn’t in a sure way, it was in a no fucking way, way. I let it go, what else could I do. I just needed to get out. I had finally gotten some commissary thanks to my cousin putting a few dollars on my books but that was all. So I used the paper form because the tablets did not work in this cell either (or because they kept the ones that worked and the other ones that weren’t quickly snatched up did not so I now had a pen and some paper). Nothing seemed to work even the pens quickly dried up it was like I was trapped. The women’s stories didn’t help much as they spoke of being in here for 6-7 months without having a hearing. Hearing that I wanted to cry but I heard it together. I hadn’t even tried to call anyone since being in the holding tank and couldn’t because I was told they didn’t work and when I tried it just seemed like the battery was dead.

Eventually the guard had came back to give me a TB test. I had stood firm that I didn’t want anything poking me while I was in jail so they had said they would have to take me to the very hospital I had been trespassed from in order to do the x-ray. The other female guard the one who had taken my mask seemed super pissed about having to take me like it was on her shift or something. After waiting in the holding cell maybe an hour a Mexican officer showed up to transport me to Medical City. He was very nice and not so bad looking either. After putting on the shackles on my hands and feet he agreed to keep the windows rolled down so that I could get some fresh air and he let me get another mask to bring with me. I think it was my birthday that day but I can’t recall exactly. When we got to the hospital it was eerily quiet. Like the waiting room looked nothing like it did when I had been there a few days earlier. There was one person at the desk no one in the waiting area and Roby wasn’t in his security office. We walked down the long hallway and I could tell that someone had just sprayed perfume so I put on my mask as he directed me to the business offices to the right. I remember the receptionists name “Anna” because she was kind of cocky. Like almost condescending to my situation but I let it go. After giving my details for billing we went into the medical offices across the way through a hallway and to where they take x-rays. After finishing we walked into the lobby of the x-ray office and there was a little kid who stopped to look at me shackled in jail house stripes. Embarrassed but at the same time not, I bent down and told him to “be sure not to trespass at a hospital you are seeking help from, make sure you have someone with you.” And with that we headed back to Wise County Jail. Once I got back in my cell I seen that the bible that I was allowed to use was no longer on my bed. I walked over to her bunk and asked her did she “take it back” and her response was that it was “hers and to get away from her bunk.” “Ok,” I said, what else could I say. Stepping on the bench so I could sit on the table and see the tv better I tried to not let my thoughts overtake me. I could feel panic developing in my stomach and I thought it be a good idea to pace to calm myself. Getting off the table I guess made too much noise because the older lady got up and stomped all the way to the button and pressed it saying that I was stomping. “Wait, what?”

“Get her out of here, she’s causing problems with everyone in here.” “Wait, I am?” I said not believing how fast everything in the cell had went left as now both Elizabeth and the other girl who took her bible back were all standing in unison and in agreement. Looking at Elizabeth, I was really confused. She had finally moved on to a bunk right next to the older lady so apparently, I was the odd woman out now. Calmly I tried to speak to the female guard who acted as if this had been going on for a while. “I told you, if you acted up what would happen!” “Yea, but I haven’t done anything.” “You’re sitting here arguing with me.” “Am I, I thought we were communicating?” At that point a male correctional officer came in “I just asked y’all over the intercom to be quiet and get along and you’re still going that’s it I’m moving you.” With my hand on my chest I backed up “Wait, why, I didn’t do anything but get off of the table it’s close to 1, I wasn’t trying to be loud.” “But you were,” he said as he motioned for me to turn around as he put me in hand cuffs he quickly pushed me out of the unit with the woman C.O. behind him and across the hall, he opened a door to a small cell that was absolutely filthy with bloody pads and food and wrappers everywhere. “It’s dirty in here,” I said now in tears. “Clean it,” he said pushing me in with a mop and a broom and closing the door behind me. Standing there I just cried as I listened to them laugh. Afraid to touch anything I scooted some debris off of the table and sat there for a while and continued to cry. There was no phone, no tablet and all my bedding was still in the other room. How did I get here, I thought. Almost like clockwork the fan turned on above me and the female guard came back with my bedding. I just looked at her this time as I was afraid to say anything. Soon as the fan turned on my new neighbors begin to welcome me with obscenities to which the C.O. came and yelled at me to “stop yelling.” “Do you think I could get some gloves?” I asked through the opening of the door. “No, we don’t give inmates gloves.” She spoke. “Just do the best you can.” I soon learned that the air coming out of the vent wasn’t cool, it was heat. Taking off my top I had on my sports bra, and I begin to pace and cry and cry and pace to the occasional niggers and bitches from my neighbors and the 15-minute intervals that came with a clank of the metal door opening and closing.

It would be a few days before I was able to get out of the cell for yard and for bible study. I think out of the whole time I went to bible study twice and the yard maybe 3 times. I spent most of the time writing when my pen worked and I eventually got up the nerve to clean the cell I was put in. It didn’t help that the sewer running underneath the floor would shake the metal grade that covered it every time I or my neighbor flushed the toilet, but I maintained. I would take bird baths in the sink as I had pushed all the trash over to the shower area where what looked like fecal matter resided when the sewer may have overflowed. I didn’t know and I didn’t want to chance it. I had put in nurse requests and then removed them when I found out that it would cost me to see the nurse. I repeatedly asked for my mask back and my anxiety meds, but I was told I would have to see the Dr. there before being able to take them. I needed my mask because it seemed like the C.O. were putting bottles of it on, why I don’t know. By the time I really got to speak with the nurse I was told that she didn’t have the paper about my environmental disability, and she didn’t even know one existed even though I had the intake officer pull it out for them specifically. The more I complained the more I was treated badly by the guards. They had started playing the monsters theme song every 15 minutes I guess to signal that someone was coming to check to see if we were ok which was ok but one night I was sleep and I was having a horrible dream and I woke up to the Monster’s theme playing full blast above me then a female guard slinging open the door asking me “did I want a library book?” Now mind you this was in the middle of the night so I looked at her and was like, “I think I was just asleep?” She closed the door and I got up 15 minutes later and caught her coming to the door and asked her “why did you open my door and ask me if I needed a library book?” her response was “no I didn’t.” Oh yes she did and I had wondered how often were they playing that music while I was trying to sleep. That’s like torture.

Between the extreme hot and then cold I had figured out when to take a bird bath and when to wait because sometimes it seemed like straight up steam was coming out of the vents. It would hurt my eyes and I would get the symptoms associated with my disability being aggravated. A new guard had came to ask me if I needed a change of clothes for the shower and I said to her that I take bird baths because it’s still dirty over there and it’s hard for me to get in showers like that when she opened eyes real big and said “Your gonna get in the shower and your gonna get in the shower now!” She closed the opening back and I thought maybe she just was saying that as I had tried to tell her that emotionally I couldn’t when she returned with another C.O. and together they pushed me out of the cell and down the hallway into intake into the room where I had originally taken a shower. I was crying and trying to communicate with them what was going on and they begin to yell that “I better take off my clothes and get in the shower or they were going to put me in the chair and force me to.” As I tried to hurry one of them said and “take out your hair it looks dirty in those braids.” With all the yelling a male C.O. opened the door and saw me naked and it was just too much crying I just snatched off of my clothes and got under the cold water to avoid being put in the chair. When I came out of the room I swear the same officer who had been there when I got into the ambulance was sitting out there. The very one who gave me the death stare who had been talking to the advocate from Refuge for Women Texas before I was put into the bear hug by Jessie. Still crying I just didn’t look at him either as he didn’t look at me and I was fine with it.

Eventually the same C.O. who had taken my mask thought it was a good idea to start spraying tons of aerosol or some sort of cleaner outside of my cell. I believe she said it was an attempt “to get something off of the door that she had been trying to.” But I could half hear as she was speaking to another C.O. when she said it. I really thought I was going to die in there. I stopped trying to call my family as they wouldn’t answer. I stopped trying to reach the lawyer as he wouldn’t answer either. He came to see me once and told me I should do what I can to get out of there because “their crazy here.” I didn’t disagree. I had experienced so much in a month I felt like I was loosing myself. I was regularly having to cough and squat all of a sudden which was weird I wasn’t around anyone and I hadn’t been out of the jail since I had the TB test which I didn’t have. I repeatedly asked why I was being held in solitary confinement for nothing but I wasn’t given a straight answer. I want to stop and say that this is hard to write and I’m leaving stuff out because this is upsetting the way I was done. It was like I was being held there intentionally for no reason. Eventually I was released to their lobby where I had to keep asking them to go back and get more of my stuff because they had went through it some more and had left bags there. I was so happy to be free it didn’t bother me too much to find out that the hotel I stayed at before I had went to Refuge for Women Vegas then Texas had charged my card while I was in jail and had overdrafted my account. I double checked that I had my mom’s bible and alabaster box and they allowed me to keep my stuff there while I attempted to walk to Wells Fargo to get money out of my savings since I couldn’t do anything with my card over the phone.

I have court coming up regarding this but my lawyer yelled at me threatened to throw me in jail and said “he didn’t believe in me” in the courthouse so he could get off of my case. The new lawyer has had dates reset over and doesn’t tell me, the court has to, and they barely do that. With the exception of this past week when his assistant called me because the court tried to get it set over again. I haven’t been able to make it to the court dates because there is no public transportation that goes out to Denton County and my lawyer that tried to get off of my case gave me wrong information more than once. It’s almost too much to keep track of the way my life keeps going. I had just lost my mom and was being ignored by my family who wouldn’t come around to help until I called the ambulance the last time when they took my POA away. All this coming at me at once. Everything at once but God is bigger than it all.

Philippians 4:19 (KJV)
“But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”

REFERENCES:

Refuge For Women (North Texas):
North Texas – Refuge for Women

Refuge For Women (Las Vegas):
Las Vegas – Refuge for Women

The Rescue Industry: The Blurred Lines Between Help and Hindrance:
(PDF) ‘The rescue industry: The blurred line between help and hindrance’

The Safe House Project:
https://www.safehouseproject.org

International Human Rights Clinic: Over-Policing Sex Trafficking, How U.S. Law Enforcement Should Reform Operations
Over-Policing Sex Trafficking: How U.S. Law Enforcement Should Reform Operations – International Human Rights Clinic

We Are The Victims: Say The Residents of The Refuge:
‘We are the victims,’ say the former residents of The Refuge | TPR

This is Movie Stuff: How a Dallas Mom Said Leaders of a Non-Profit Tried to Take Her Baby
‘This is movie stuff’ | How a Dallas mom says leaders of a nonprofit tried to take her baby | wfaa.com

Control and Protect: Collaboration, Carceral Protection, and Domestic Sex Trafficking in The United States
Control and Protect by Jennifer Musto – Paper – University of California Press

Trafficking Rescue Initiatives as State Violence:
39559-psl_122-1

Closing the Door on Survivors: How Anti-Trafficking Programs in the U.S. Limit Access to Housing
View of Closing the Door on Survivors: How anti-trafficking programmes in the US limit access to housing | Anti-Trafficking Review

Heal or Jail, Write or Die….a survivor’s memoir in pursuit of the healing society said she needed, Ep. 3, Refuge For Women (Texas): Left & Lost in Wise County

September 5, 2026Everything's Bigger in Texas, UncategorizedJoyclyn

……………

(Journal Entry August 27th, 2026)

Thank you God for allowing me to wake up and happy birthday to meeee! Thank you for not allowing me to wake up in jail this year. Thank you for my babies, send your angels out with them and me today, everyday; going before us and making a crooked path straight. Thank you for your provision, protection, direction, correction, and connection Father God. Thank you for the people who have came and gone in my life, for the reasons only you know. Thank you for my health, my true wealth. I could never thank you enough Lord, but you keep renewing my mind, and faith giving me another day, and another way to try… when they ask me who I am I say I am his… and I pray I make you proud, I pray I live up to my name; be who you made me to be, the reason you put me here for such a time as this.

Amen

About a year ago….

Maybe 2 to 3 days after my last journal Entry (8/18/25) at Refuge for Women (Texas), I remember waking up feeling ok, a little headache that I didn’t have the night before, but still ok. The bed felt amazing as I stretched across it, throwing a pillow on the floor I maneuvered to my knees all in one motion. I begin to pray, and write, and pray some more. After some quality time with my Savior I remembered about the sunrise and how beautiful it was from the house. Quietly I tiptoed out my room, across the upstairs hard wood floors moving through the living area I grabbed a yoga mat next to the wall and positioned myself in front of the clerestory window facing the east and waited for God’s show to start… Hearing someones alarm go off I realized I must have fallen asleep. Stretching my body to prepare for the day; I wiped the mat and placed it back against the wall and headed to my room to wash my face and brush my teeth before heading down stairs for devotionals. I didn’t want to miss it because we were having volunteers and we had to allow them space to clean and I didn’t want to spend too much time in my room.

I don’t remember too much from devotionals that day I do remember that later on when day staff showed up in addition to the curly haired lady their was staff that I had never seen before, a light skinned Black woman. I tried to make conversation with her but she just looked at me and smiled slightly. Shrugging it off I focused on the positive and that was being able to swim, finally. We were told a few days before that, that we were going to the transitional house and they had a pool. After saying hi to the volunteers the staff with the curly-hair let us know that there was “a man outside volunteering so if we saw him not to panic.” I didn’t think too much about it however I did ask her if they were still barbequeing where the pool was because Refuge For Women Vegas still had not sent my stuff yet and I didn’t have a mask. I was assured that if they were I could sit in the house if the smoke became too much.

Some time went by and the volunteers had finished organizing things and were gathering downstairs so we could pray. As I made my way downstairs I immediately got a headache but that had been happening occasionally. Waiting for the last few volunteers we assembled in a circle in the foyer on the floor by the front door. It was at this point that I noticed the muscles in my body began to spasm. I didn’t panic because I didn’t smell anything and passed it off as my nervous system just tripping when the curly-haired staff asked if the male volunteer could come in and pray with us. I said “no” in part, because of the rule in Vegas that said that we couldn’t even “talk to male” support people on the phone so why were they allowing a whole man to be inside around survivors, young ones at that, was weird to me. Once the last volunteers joined us we begin to go around in a circle while the volunteers prayed for us and for Refuge for Women. After they finished I had asked if I could pray, and was allowed to. I felt the holy spirit there, that morning, but then I felt something else. Swaying back and forth with my eyes closed I felt my throat begin to swell, then the nerves in my face began to jump in addition to the ones in my body. As my chest tightened my voice cracked with a final amen. Staying on the floor I scooted out the way allowing the volunteers and other residents to go by me. Still on the floor I moved towards the now closed door and used the door nob to pull myself up. Back on my feet, I began to smell a weird smell. Turning towards one of the staff sitting at the dining room table I asked “What is that, what is that smell?” “I don’t smell anything my nose is congested,” she said and went right back to reading whatever she was reading.

I need fresh air, I’m going outside,” I said as I opened the door and descended into what felt like was hell but was really the Dallas heat. As I moved about the front patio the smell increased. “Ughhh”, I said grabbing my chest looking to the right and left I figured maybe it was just the wind. Walking around the house I felt no relief on either side. Having walked a full circle around the house I raised my hands in the air and prayed as I began to walk the long driveway towards the road. “You’re such a good God, you are the alpha and the omega, the beginning and the end, all roads lead to you, thank you Lord, help me Jesus, I don’t want to die here!” The further I got away from the house I started to feel some relief but the heat was too much, I needed to get back in the house. Turning around before I made it to the road, I reached in my pocket for the only protection I had, a mask that I had been using since I got to Refuge for Women Texas. It was worn, dirty and of no use, but it was all I had. They were supposed to ship my stuff but they kept giving me the run a round. It’s like they didn’t believe that I really had a disability and needed them, or they just didn’t care; maybe they threw my stuff away and just didn’t want to tell me, I didn’t know. The closer I got to the house the more my symptoms increased. My throat begin to close and my headache intensified with every step. I felt my leg almost give away. This was new I thought, not being able to walk. Stopping for a moment so I could gain my balance I tried to focus on the door that maybe was 30 feet away, maybe more. Commanding my body to keep going I pressed forward and prayed. Finally I made it back to the porch where I stopped to lean on the door. Looking around all I could see was dead bugs everywhere. Where did all these dead bugs come from, I thought. I was just out here earlier. I begin to cough as the stench it was something in the air. Oh my God I thought as I practically fell through the front door. “Please take me to the hospital?” I said as I closed the door behind me and leaned up against it. Neither staff member looked up, nor did they acknowledge my distress. Sliding down the door on to the floor I repeated my request for help. Please I need to go to the hospital I need my Dr.’s note saying that I have a disability.”

From across the room on the couch the curly-haired staff member calmly picked up her cell phone and began talking on it as she finally turned towards me. “Why aren’t y’all answering me I need help?” I said. Finally, the Black staff member seated at the dining room table looked up from whatever she was reading and acknowledged me; “what do you need?” “I need help, I’m having an allergic reaction, I need to go to the Dr., I need my Dr’s note, please help me up, I need to get my stuff and go to the Dr.!” I blurted. With that, the curly-haired staff member, who was still on the phone got up from the couch and walked towards the office area to the right. Getting up from the table and following behind her the Black staff lady responded, “she’s going to go get it for you, I’ll go make sure she gets it.” “Wait, what, help me get up, please I can’t breathe, I have to go get ready to go to the hospital.” Seeing that my words fell on deaf ears, I turned towards the 2 young survivors who had begun frolicking not 4 feet from me and asked them to “help me up, please?” They looked at me and continued to play. I didn’t want to fall but I had to get upstairs and get my Dr.’s note or they weren’t going to treat me, I knew they weren’t. I begin to belly crawl across the foyer to the stairs and then up the stairs only stopping to catch my breath. By the time I made it half way up the steps the Black staff lady returned. From the bottom of the steps she asked was I “ok?” “No” I replied, “I need help.” She shook her head and walked away. Crying, sweating, and praying I continued to scoot up the steps, step by step and finally into my room where I rested for moment before grabbing my tennis shoes and my Dr.’s note that I had stored in the drawer by my bed in case of emergencies. The pain on the left side of my chest increased. It now felt like I had a stack of books on top of me; I knew I needed to get into a praying posture before anything else. Getting on my knees, no pillow this time, I begin to cite the Lord’s prayer and through tears I thanked all my ancestors in the Bible, my bloodline and chosen when I felt a single finger poke me on my back. Jumping, I screamed only to see the curly-haired ladies face bent down towards mine. “What are you doing?” I said.

“You want some help up?” she said as she stood back up and extended a hand. “No, why would you scare me, why didn’t you knock?” Without saying a word she turned around and walked out the door and back down the stairs. I immediately regretted saying no. What was I thinking. “Wait, come back I need help, I’m sorry you scared me, please come back?” I yelled. She was gone. I was gonna have to get myself together. With the bed’s help I pulled myself up and followed along the wall to the door. Looking at the long steps I decided to not chance it, getting on my bottom I begin to scoot step by step down the stairs. Once I made it to the bottom when the curly-haired lady handed me my wallet and my non-narcotic anxiety medicine that hadn’t been working, in a plastic bag. She didn’t give me the updated letter I gave them explaining my disability, what I had been asking for, but thank God I had an old one. “She’s gonna give you a ride, she has to move some stuff out of her car.” “Where is she at?” “She’s outside,’ she said as she walked out the front door and closed it behind her. Ok I thought, there going to give me a ride.   Pulling myself up I held the wall all the way to the door, and braced myself for the heat. Opening the door, I slowly walked on to the patio to see even more dead bugs than before. The smell, whatever it was made my symptoms worse as I held on to one of the pillars of the house I grabbed my old mask and waited for her to pull up to the house. After a few moments I figured she wasn’t going to so I slowly made my way to her car parked on the other side of the car that held the curly-haired lady, and the 2 young survivors. Walking past their car I tried to get in the front seat and the door was locked. “Can you open it please?” I don’t know if the windows were tinted or I just couldn’t see from the little particles that had began to obstruct my vision but I didn’t hear a door unlock. Once I moved to the backseat door, I heard the unlock. Getting in as quickly as I could, I thanked her for taking me. She didn’t say anything and I was fine with that. I just needed to breathe, I just needed some relief. Taking a right on to the road from the driveway we couldn’t have gone more than a country block when I asked her if I “could get some fresh air.” She didn’t say anything so I rolled down the window. She then rolled the window back up.

Remaining as calm as I could, I rolled down the window again and I asked her if “I could please get some fresh air?” Saying nothing she rolled it back up. Finally, I said “pull over” so I could get some fresh air. She then begins dialing a phone number and I don’t know who she was trying to reach but I think it was the police. I honestly don’t remember. Maybe it was the non-emergency line I’m not sure but it was some agency and she was on hold when she pulled over which couldn’t have been more than a minute after I originally asked. On the side of the road, I attempted to roll the window down. Finally responding she said, “I would have to get out the car, I could not roll down the window,” Again, I tried to roll the window back down and she rolled it right back up. Getting out the car I tried to lean up against it when she rolled down the window and told me to “not lean on her car.” Resigned to the fact that something was really wrong with these people, I walked past the car and sat down next to what seemed like a little ditch on the side of the road facing the house/farm. Putting my head between my legs I attempted to regulate my nervous system and deal with my allergic reaction the best way I could. Hearing a car pull into the drive way next to me, I lifted my head to see what looked like a truck with a lady in it. I asked her could she “please call the ambulance, I was having an allergic reaction and I needed help?” Her response was that she “needed to ask her paw, paw first.” I didn’t have the energy to even process what she said, I just asked again for her to please call the ambulance.” I’m not sure what happened but she drove away. I looked to the right and the staff was still sitting in her car, so I just put my head back down as I felt some relief when I seen this lady with a smock on. Looked like a nurses smock.

She identified herself as “Jessie” if I remember correctly and she asked if I was “alright” and I let her know I was waiting for an ambulance. That’s when she asked me if she could “stand behind me” that way “I could lean on her.” I responded that I wasn’t leaning backwards I was leaning forwards but she could if she wanted to I just needed some relief. That’s when a young girl riding like a mini 4 wheeler pulled up. I could smell the fumes from the little vehicle and it just seemed odd as there was literally no one around just minutes before. I don’t know if I asked her if she knew her or is she could have her move because of the fumes but I remember the little girl driving away. Then what looked like a police officer or a medic came with a box asking me if he could “take my vitals.” I declined stating “that I was waiting for an ambulance to come.” That’s when I noticed that the advocate had gotten out of her car and she was speaking with a Hispanic officer who had not approached me. The young girl on the little motor bike returned and started driving back and forth. I felt like there were other people that started showing up as well. It just seemed like all of a sudden there was so much going on around me, I just tried to focus on breathing when the 2nd officer who was Hispanic walked over to me as I sat on the ground and gave me what I would call the look of death. This stare couldn’t have lasted more than 10 seconds but when I tell you there was a look of pure hate coming from him, so much so that I said, “why are you looking at me like that?” That’s when I noticed “Jessie” wasn’t standing behind me anymore. She was now crouched down behind me with her arms extended under my underarms and almost had me in what I can only describe as a full nelson. “What the fu&%,” I screamed, “Let me go.” I said as I began to twist and turn in an attempt to get this stranger to let me go. After a lot of twisting and turning I was able to pull myself out of that women’s grip. Having gotten free, I ran across the little ditch to the other side where there was a fence and a tree, I think. I wrapped myself around whatever it was and prayed and braced myself in case “Jessie” came over to try to finish me off.

That’s when a older white man with a beard came over and asked if he “could help me.” Followed by the ambulance pulling up in the driveway next to me. I didn’t want his help, but he was standing in between me and the ambulance so I let go of whatever it was I was holding on to and took his hand. Getting into the stretcher they begin to lift the stretcher with me onto the back of the ambulance when I begin to fall out of the stretcher. I was literally hanging sideways when they had to put the stretcher back down and strap me in.   “What the fu&^, I screamed again. “What is going on?” The guy paramedic whose name I don’t remember apologized. At this point, I’m hysterical I’m sure but I’m calm enough to ask for “some oxygen?” They gave me the oxygen but didn’t turn it on. “We need to get your vitals” There was now a man and a woman in the back with me. “I will wait until I get to the hospital, could you please turn on the oxygen?” I asked again. That’s when he nodded to the woman sitting to my right somewhat behind me while he was to my left sort of in front of me. “Please just take me to the hospital?” I said through tears, “this is too much.” “Were going, I just need to make a call to the hospital and let them know were coming.” He made his way behind me and a few seconds later something said to turn around, and I turned around to see and hear him saying that I ‘was hallucinating.” While he was still on the phone, I said “that’s not true, you’re lying why would you say that, why wouldn’t you ask me?” He quickly hung up the walkie talky or whatever he was talking through and came over to me and explained that “the people outside had said I was hallucinating.” “But why wouldn’t you ask me if I was seeing or hearing things, why would you just tell them that, don’t you know that lady put me in a bear hug?” “Is this being recorded can they hear this?” I asked. “No they can’t hear but they can watch it, and they don’t take paramedics word for it anyways.”

(my apologies for the grammatic etc. in the rest of this piece, because I’m triggered and I probably should stop writing now, but I want to finish this episode)

Eventually making it to the hospital, they put me in a room that was at the end of the hallway. It just seemed like there was a lot of noise, but I had to go to the bathroom and after I came out the bathroom, I gave them my Dr.’s note that I had been holding on to and asked for steroids to help calm what ever was wrong with me. I didn’t know how it worked, it just worked in the past. I asked if I could have some stronger medicine to help with the anxiety because what I had wasn’t working.” I was told they had to “ask some questions and run some tests before they could give me anything.” I’m not sure if I was able to tell them fully what had just happened to me. I’m unsure, but I do remember getting moved to a different room, one that I was told was quieter. But as soon as I was moved, everyone started coming to that nurse’s desk, that was empty when I was moved into that room. Then I noticed the security (who I later found out was “Roby”) walking by room waving at me. I asked for the phone and was given it as they had given me the steroids and I felt some relief. But the noise the noise from the hallway was just a lot and I needed airflow, so I needed the door open. I didn’t know what to do. I called my aunt’s number knowing that I hadn’t spoken to her since she got drunk and tried to put me out down some stairs layered with ice and snow, but it was the only number I remembered. She didn’t answer of course so I left a couple of messages that I’m sure sounded strange because of what I had just experienced.   Finally, both nurses came back to my room all the while “Roby” continued to circle pass the door to let me know he was there, I guess. I asked again if I could get a another dose of steroids as my symptoms had not completely gone away and if I could get something to help me calm down. I needed to calm down. One nurse was Indian, not Native, but Punjab or something similar. Looking at the Caucasian nurse she said, “no, you didn’t come here for anxiety, and we have already given you enough steroids, and were going to discharge you.” I’m pretty sure they both left after that and I knew what would come next if I didn’t get myself together and leave that hospital.

After I was told I had to leave and they wouldn’t be helping me with my anxiety, I went to the nurses’ station to see if they could call Refuge for Women and no one was there anymore. I began to get a bad feeling, so I grabbed my plastic bag with my wallet and the non-narcotic anxiety medicine that I had from Refuge that was not working and I went in search of a nurse. Soon as I left the room I turned around and Roby was behind me. I found another nurse’s station and apparently that is where everyone had moved to and I asked if they could contact where I was staying and the nurse said she didn’t know where I was staying. I asked if a staff from the shelter had come or anything and she said “no,” but that she would try to look it up. As she looked it up, I noticed Roby getting closer to me. I asked him if he could please stop following me. He replied that he “was there for their safety.” Turning to the nurses I asked them was “I making them feel unsafe?” and they replied “no.” but he still didn’t leave. That’s when the nurse said I could wait in the waiting room, since he was making me uncomfortable while she tried to find their number because no advocate or staff person had come or called to see if I was ok. I made my way to the waiting room and as soon as I sat down, they rolled a gentleman into the waiting area and he begin to scream in pain on que. I couldn’t take it, so I went outside but there was a car parked and running so I went all the way into the middle of the field adjacent to the hospital in an attempt to get some fresh air. It was beautiful still, even though I had just gone through one of the worst days in my life. I pulled open the plastic bag and took a few more of the medicine that hadn’t been working and prayed and that’s when I noticed I still had the phone. I made my way back to the hospital to return the phone when I saw the nurse who had been researching the number for Refuge for Women Texas.

I immediately handed her the phone and she in turn handed me a piece of paper with Refuges number on it. I asked if I could use the phone and another nurse handed me the phone and I called and Lakeysha answered. “Are y’all going to come back and pick me up?” “You are no longer welcomed here because you lied and said that we weren’t helping you.” “Y’all weren’t helping me and I couldn’t breathe or walk.” “Well, you shouldn’t have told them that and you’re no longer welcomed here.” Well, I need my phone, I need my stuff, I don’t know where I’m at. I need a way from here.” That’s not our problem, we will pack your stuff, and I will bring it to you there. When will you bring it?” “When we have time to go through it.” And with that she hung up the phone. I started crying again, because I didn’t know what to do. I handed them back the phone and went outside to try to calm down and about 6 or so minutes later someone pulled up and I asked if I could use her phone as she was getting out of the car. Her response was “hold on” I will be right back” and she went inside and came out with Robby who immediately said I was” trespassed” and I needed to “leave.” I explained to him through tears that “I was waiting for my stuff, and I didn’t know where I was at and I didn’t have anywhere to go and I couldn’t leave because I didn’t have anywhere to go.” “I’m calling the police then” he said with a smile on his face. He took the phone out of his pocket and began dialing and I just walked away from here to the other side of the parking lot. Maybe they would help, I thought. But that was short lived as they arrived rather quickly and asked me my side of the story. Because we were outside and they had their police car running I was starting to have chest pains on both sides this time. I asked them could we go inside the hospital and get out the heat, and away from the fumes from their car and finish talking about it and they allowed me to go into the first entry way but they stood in front of the sliding door preventing it from closing, which would have blocked the cars fumes from coming in had it been closed. So my symptoms seemed to come back as they explained that “I needed to leave the hospital.” They said I could go stand outside a “Walmart.” And I declined because my stuff was coming to the hospital and I was still not feeling well both “physically and emotionally.” They directed me by pointing to the property by a field that was off of the hospital grounds and yelled at me to “get out of here.” As they walked away.

I made my way down the stairs, passed the huge parking lot and off of the hospital grounds where I stood for a couple hours until a nurse came out and was getting in her car. I asked her if I could use her phone and she smiled at me and said yes. I called Refuge back and Lakeysha again. I asked her about my stuff, and she said they still hadn’t gotten to it and if I’m not mistaken, she said she was giving my stuff to the police and when I tried to object she hung up. I tried to call back but the nurse said, “I couldn’t use her phone anymore.” With a smile on her face she turned and walked away saying “no good deed goes unpunished.” The last thing I wanted to do was meet those officers again, but it started to get dark, so I tried to walk by what looked like a business park to the side of the hospital and on the other side it just looked like woods. I didn’t want to end up in the woods’ dead, so I tried to walk over to see if there were businesses or any signs of life and on the way I seen a police car coming down the road. I jumped up and down and attempted to flag the officers down and they just went right by me. So, I walked back towards the businesses and sat down on the curb and then I was thinking that what if they came with my stuff and I wasn’t up there so I started walking back across the street to get closer enough to at least the parking lot when another officer going the opposite direction of the other car that had just went by came and I again tried to waive them down and they kept going. By now it was dark and I decided that I would go call the police and ask for help so I went back onto Medical City Decatur’s hospital grounds and went right to the security desk and asked Roby if I could call the police myself. He handed me the phone and eventually I got a person on the phone, and I let them know that “I was stuck and if the officers could come back and give me a ride because my stuff hadn’t been dropped off yet.”

The operator asked if I could call the non-emergency line and I explained that I could not because Roby wouldn’t let me.” She said she would “let the officers know” and I got off the phone. Handing Roby back the phone I asked out of desperation, if I could just “sit outside of the hospital and wait for the officers in one of the wheelchairs because it’s dark?” And surprisingly, he said, “yes, let me roll you out.” When I said “no, I could roll myself out” he immediately got angry and called the police on me again, so I walked over to the steps and waited about 7 minutes and they showed up; one below the steps to my left and anther one from the parking lot to the right of me. I remember as they asked me to stand up and put the cuffs on me so that I was facing away from the hospital one of the officers said “your stuff just showed up, we’ll book it in the jail with you.”

Matthew 25:23 (KJV)

“His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’”

REFERENCES:

Refuge For Women (North Texas):
North Texas – Refuge for Women

Refuge For Women (Las Vegas):
Las Vegas – Refuge for Women

The Rescue Industry: The Blurred Lines Between Help and Hindrance:
(PDF) ‘The rescue industry: The blurred line between help and hindrance’

The Safe House Project:
https://www.safehouseproject.org

International Human Rights Clinic: Over-Policing Sex Trafficking, How U.S. Law Enforcement Should Reform Operations
Over-Policing Sex Trafficking: How U.S. Law Enforcement Should Reform Operations – International Human Rights Clinic

We Are The Victims: Say The Residents of The Refuge:
‘We are the victims,’ say the former residents of The Refuge | TPR

This is Movie Stuff: How a Dallas Mom Said Leaders of a Non-Profit Tried to Take Her Baby
‘This is movie stuff’ | How a Dallas mom says leaders of a nonprofit tried to take her baby | wfaa.com

Control and Protect: Collaboration, Carceral Protection, and Domestic Sex Trafficking in The United States
Control and Protect by Jennifer Musto – Paper – University of California Press

Trafficking Rescue Initiatives as State Violence:
39559-psl_122-1

Closing the Door on Survivors: How Anti-Trafficking Programs in the U.S. Limit Access to Housing
View of Closing the Door on Survivors: How anti-trafficking programmes in the US limit access to housing | Anti-Trafficking Review

Everything’s Bigger in Texas except services for the poor

August 7, 2026Everything's Bigger in TexasJoyclyn

Everything’s Bigger in Texas except services…

services for the poor that is…

Waking up to my stomach grumbling I immediately grabbed my phone to check the time. After tossing and turning all night due to external and internal environments I was upset to see I slept past the alarm at 5am and it was after 7. With an awkward body movement, I swung my feet to the floor and immediately felt relief from my pressure points on the sides of my thighs. “At least I had somewhere to stay for now,” I thought. “Be thankful for the hard bed,” I said to myself as I rubbed my thighs. Dialing the number to the EBT card I inputted my personal information. Half-surprised when they said my balance was “0.” I thought well maybe that’s God’s way of having me really go into the welfare office here. I had tried to sign up twice since I had been in Texas but the information they had on record, for me, did not match who I was so I needed to go in person, and stuff kept happening to me, so I never made it. In addition, the whole welfare office brought on so much anxiety, not only did the workers often treat you less than, everything is just super hard for me to accomplish anything lately. I had to go to the licensing department 3 times and I had all the required documents before the 4th time when I was allowed to renew my license. I quickly looked up the closest welfare office to my location and the route to get there. “7 blocks away, that’s not far at all,” I thought getting dressed, out the door, and on the bus before I knew it. My phone’s GPS immediately stopped working so I asked the bus driver if he knew where the welfare office was (I guess they don’t call it that out here), looking at me puzzled he said, “you mean where you get the food stamps?” “Yea,” I replied. He pointed right ahead and I requested the next stop and walked across the street to the old strip mall determined to make it to shelter before I started sweating from my eyebrows. Standing outside the door a few people were waiting for the office to open.

This is crazy I thought to myself, why is it so hard for me to take care of myself. I’m doing everything I possibly can to try to find a job and nothing is coming through, I’m literally going to the temp agencies and the computer won’t let me apply; When I do reach someone they are like “we will let you know when a job matches your qualifications;” or I’m being told I will be hired only to be ignored when I call; or I’m waiting for a review process that is taking weeks. Holding back the tears I entered the building with the rest of the clients hoping to update, apply, or change their information for government assistance. It wasn’t long before one of the ladies was beckoning me to the window. “Hi, I need to apply for medical and food stamps, and I applied online twice and both times it told me to come in and provide proof I was who I said I am.” I said. “Do you have ID,” she replied. “Yes,” let me grab it. Handing her my new state issued driver’s license she entered my information in the system. “I can’t find you,” she said looking at me. “Well, I don’t know why, I applied twice most recently last month, and I received 2 letters saying I was registered to vote but nothing else, no request for additional information, no nothing.” “Write down your social security number.” she said sliding me a sticky note. Handing my social security number to her, she began to search for me in her database. “Nope, I still don’t see you,” she said. “Well, I don’t know why, let me try to see if they emailed me anything. While I was searching through my emails she said, “oh I found you, your social security was in a different place.” Why would my stuff be in a different place I thought. She said, “you applied for medical but your not old enough to get Medicare.” “Well, what medical can I get?” “How old are you?” “48,” I said. “None, through the State, you have to call an agency, and they will give you a co-pay or you can go to Parkland health they will put you on their medical, but Texas only provides Medicare, but you have to be old enough.” “Well, am I able to speak to someone about that and some food stamps. “Yes, someone will call you shortly there’s one person in front of you.”

Sitting down in the first row, I had hoped it wouldn’t take too long because I had an appointment in 2 hours and needed to leave within an hour to get there in time. Boy, that was wishful thinking, even if it only was 3 people in the building. Right then a lady came out the front door next to where the reception was and called someone’s name. Oh, ok, I thought this should go quickly then. It was one hour later, and 20 more additional people in the office when a different lady called me back up to the front, asked me for my Id or driver’s license again, then proceeded to tell me she couldn’t find me in the system. I explained to her that the lady sitting 3 people over from us had said the same thing so maybe she should ask her how she did it. At that moment she magically found me in her system and said that someone would be calling me shortly. 30 more minutes went by before I heard a faint voice calling my name. Turning my head and scanning the room, I positioned my eyes to the back of the room and didn’t see anyone waiting or acknowledging that a name was being called so I turned my head back towards the front when I heard my name being called again. I looked towards the security guard at the back of the room who had a look of disgust on her face and asked her, “is someone calling my name?” holding the same look of disgust she nodded her head up and down. I said “where because I don’t see anyone?” Reluctantly, she motioned to the beginning of a hallway (I couldn’t see it was a hallway I could only see that it was an entrance) adjacent to where she was sitting. Grabbing my backpack, I walked towards the back of the room, turned right, which allowed me to see down the hallway and at the very end stood the worker who had been calling my name.

Under my breath I was like “how was I supposed to know you were all the way back here?” I didn’t press it further, and at least I had heard it through my earbuds that helped me deal with social anxiety situations like this one. “Please go to room 111 and have a seat.” Wow, I thought. That many people was back here and it took 2 hours for 2 people to be called. Sitting down in the small office space the worker stated she was working on my application online and that she had a few questions for me. “The system shows you worked at McDonald’s and Texas Fish and Chicken?” “Yes, I was working at both but I’m no longer working there due to circumstances beyond my control.” “Do you have proof that you no longer work there?” she said stopping her tap, tap, tap on the keyboard. “No, wait I have a text message from Texas Fish and Chicken when he fired me,” laughing it off I really wanted to cry because at this moment I knew I wasn’t getting assistance today. The worker begins to type again this time with way more rigor, TAP, TAP, TAP, You need to download the app so you can upload documentation.” “I don’t know if I can my phone is tripping.” “Well you can go to the library, and do it?” “No I don’t have time to do all that, let me try it first before I add an additional step. TAP, TAP, TAP, TAP, TAP, TAP, TAP. Damn, I wanted to say could you not type so loud, I can’t concentrate, but I thought better to not agitate her. “So am I not going to be able to get food stamps today at least?” “I don’t know, that depends if you give us proof that you’re no longer working.” Downloading the app, I began to try to upload screen shots of the text messages showing that the Manager and the Assistant from McDonald’s refused to respond to my texts about employment, along with the text I received being fired from Texas Fish and Chicken. “I can’t upload it, this is too much, I’m hungry, can you just call them. Giving the worker the number to both previous employees, she called both and neither one of them answered. “I can’t leave a message because you get a different worker every time you come, so if they called me back there’s no way for me to forward it to the next worker.” I continued to upload the last check deposited in my account along with anything that could support me in getting some service. TAP, TAP, TAP, TAP, TAP, TAP. “Ok based off of everything we have so far we can give you SNAP for the middle of July until now but we can’t give you SNAP for the current month because we don’t have proof your not working.” “Wait, I can’t get food stamps for last month because I received food stamps last month from a different state.”

“Oh well we have to ping you for that, as well and you would need to show us you’re not receiving services from them in addition to proof your not currently working.” “If you’re able to see that I haven’t received a check from them, what difference does it make if I’m unable to get the proof?” “If you disagree with anything you can speak to a supervisor and they will call you from the lobby,” she said as she got up and motioned for the door. “Hold up, can you call the supervisor before I go back to the lobby?” Sitting back down she begin to type again TAP, TAP, TAP, TAP, TAP, TAP, TAP, TAP. A few moments passed and the supervisor entered the door, as the door remained open the entire time she came in well prepared as she repeated everything the worker said almost verbatim. “How about you try to go to theworknumber.com and get your work history or just go into the McDonald’s?” “I don’t want to go back into that McDonald’s that ain’t gonna give me proof, and how do I do that?” “You can go into the lobby and try, she needs to help the next person.” “But I still need help, I need food, please just let me try before you kick me out to the lobby, to wait.” “You can get your EBT card, although there won’t be funds on it, and once you are able to login you can ask to speak to a different worker.” As I pulled up the site, I quickly tried to create an account and was repeatedly stopped as it wouldn’t allow me to enter my social security number. “It won’t let me create an account.” Showing the worker and the Supervisor, the supervisor responded, “well that’s not our system so we don’t know how you would access it, but you need to go to the lobby.” I started to argue but there was this voice that was like just leave. Taking the papers from her without a single word I grabbed my backpack and walked out the door into the sweltering Dallas heat. Sweat and tears mixed I crossed the street thanking God because there was the bus. The bus driver was really nice asking me how I was doing. I couldn’t speak because I was holding in a flood of tears so I ignored him and took my seat on the bus. As I rode I was able to pull up my employment on the site the Supervisor suggested only to find out they didn’t even have my employment past 2020, huh? Switching gears, I logged on to the site for Oregon only to see that it said I still had services, huh? I got on the phone and attempted to call but the first representative couldn’t hear me over the loud rumbling of the train, although I could hear her fine. Calling back I was able to successfully connect with a representative who could hear me even with the background noise, who said I still had services. How is that so, I called this morning and I didn’t have anything on my card. “Could it be because I called to early?” “I don’t think it had anything to do with the time you called.” “Ok, thank you,” I said as I hung up the phone and called the number back to see if money was on the card, and wouldn’t you know it, it was there. “Thank you God,” I said out loud, as I begin to cry I dialed Oregon EBT line back and canceled my services. Looking at the paper from the DHS worker I noticed that they didn’t even have me down for my request for medical. This whole situation is crazy but I’m not, I’m not gonna drink, or do anything crazy, I’m a go get some food and I’m a share it because that’s what God’s people do.

John 17:14-16 (KJV)

“I have given them thy word; and the world hath hated them, because they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shoudest keep them from the evil. They are not of the world, even as I am not of the world.”

Amen