“I wanna be Cloister F&#$@d” was the passphrase that I had to answer to join the GroupMe for the sober living house I had been accepted to. I responded “No” and It was at that moment I received my 2nd red flag that this was not going to work. When I asked the President housemate if she had seen that phrase when she joined the GroupMe chat in “October,” her response was “no I never saw that before, but it must have been done before I joined.” Of course, that math wasn’t math-ing but I let that go because what did it matter. The first one was the evident switch of my housemates tone when I questioned my inability to leave my luggage on the porch or behind the house. I was in the car with the couple that were leaders in the church community getting a ride back to where I was floor surfing when I had texted her that I didn’t understand what she was saying, at that point a different housemate called me using the other housemate’s phone. “What don’t you understand” she said with force in her tone.  I guess this was her way of saying hi.  Half nervous, half surprised I said, “I’m in the car right now getting a ride can I call you back?” Once I got to the house I called back and the whole tone had changed up and I was allowed to explain what I didn’t understand at that point and it felt like it was well received or I just wanted to be received I’m not sure.  I don’t think they thought I was going to be able to come when they accepted me, honestly.  It had been close to a week and a half when I initially asked to join Cloister and had been denied from 2 other houses.  So, yeah my money was low but I was able to reach out to the community group after we met on Sunday after church, and share my situation and my urgency for leaving.  They agreed to help which was a blessing.

The whole airport visit was a nightmare.  I called myself trying to get there early but still got there right on time.  Something must have been wrong with the scale because it was now saying my luggage was 20 pounds overweight.  I had to throw more clothes away and what I couldn’t throw away I folded them around my arm, put my teaching bible in another bag and prayed for the best as I watched the airlines worker throw my poor luggage with disdain on to the conveyor belt.  I asked if I could get assistance getting to the plane and have a wheelchair as I was tirrred. 

The lady who would accompany took forever signing me in.  It almost felt as though she was stalling but I very well could have been over stimulated and was.  She kept asking me if I wanted to stop at the bathroom and I politely told her no twice.  I had never had someone so concerned with my bathroom breaks but she could have just been a very concerned person.  I’m so glad I didn’t have to go because after being held up by TSA due to my private area lighting up and having had one of the most intimate searches I have experienced (with the exception of having to squat and cough multiple times in a week in segregation cell where I was only allowed out once every 3-4 days).  By the time I arrived at the gate they were calling for anyone who needed extra time or those with disabilities to join.  I thanked the lady for assisting me to the plane and boarded early to find I was seated all the way in the back up against the bathroom.  It was a window seat but when I tell you I smelled so much gas back there it was crazy.  I know I have the smelling sense of a K-9 but this was something different.  It was like gas was leaking in from under my seat or something.  We stayed on the tarmac waiting for what the pilot said was “last minute fueling” meanwhile I felt like I was the one getting gassed and not the plane.  To top it off everyone that used the bathroom that I was up against seemed to slam something in the bathroom. 

When I say the whole ride including the hour and a half wait on the tarmac I heard bang, bang, bang, every time someone went to the bathroom.  I didn’t have to use the bathroom but I had to go see where was that sound coming from.  I even tried to slam the door when I entered the bathroom and that wasn’t it.  As I scanned the bathroom I looked at the baby changing table and opened it and closed it, and that was it.  So everyone who used the bathroom on my side was opening and slamming the baby changing table but they didn’t have babies!  Was this intentional, maybe, was I sensitive yes!  By the time we made it to Dallas I had one of the worse headaches of my life and I could barely walk straight as my chest remained tight and my eye was twitching again.  I mean I was struggling trying to off the plane.  In addition, I had been told that I had until 4 to make it to the house because there needed to be 2 people there so that they could let me in. I was so thankful they kept track of requests for help and had a wheelchair waiting for me.  I gladly plopped into the chair and held tight to my bags.  She quickly took me to luggage claim which made me even more grateful I had asked for assistance because I would not have gotten there that fast on my own.  It was odd because my 2 suitcases were in completely different locations and later on it made sense as they had went through my luggage as well.  I gathered my luggage and sat to the side so that I could put the stuff back in that I had to take out and to text the housemate:

Monday March 2 Text Interaction via Phone
Me (2:46pm PST):
It looks like I’m coming in the morning.  I will text after my life coaching meeting at 3 or once they send details
Housemate #1 (4:47pm CST)
What time is it there
Me:
Almost 3
Housemate #1:
Ok so we should know something in a few hours?
Me:
Yes if not sooner.  Looking at a flight in the am
Housemate #1:
Ok
Me:
Hi, I will arrive at 1pm tomorrow
Housemate #1:
At the airport
Me:
Yes and I will look up the direction from there?
Housemate #1 (7pm PST):
We are looking forward to seeing you.  As of now the earliest we can get you moved in is 7pm, can you wait at the airport for a few hours before coming to the house?
Me:
Can ya’ll pick me up?  I don’t think I want to wait in the baggage claim area for 6 hours. Is there a library around y’all.  Yea I will go to the closest library to yall location and wait there.
Housemate #1:
I don’t have a car or I would come get you and the other girls will be at work til late.
Me:
Ok so the soonest anyone will be at the house is 7pm. I think the library will be closed before that so I will just be chilling outside until someone comes
Housemate #?
I’ll be home but the girls won’t be and Housemate #3 will be home by 7pm I’m waiting to hear from our newest girl so then you can come sooner than 7.  I should know by 8pm tonight.
Me:
Ok cool, is there public transportation?
Housemate #?:
Yes
Me:
Cool, is there a way I’m able to put my luggage behind the house so that I don’t have to carry it with me all day?
Housemate #?
I check for you, we need 2 people to be here for to do that and I will be the only one here so we’re so we’re not able to do that.  We’re excited to meet you.
Me:
I’m just gonna put my stuff by the front door and then go find a meeting, ok? Because it says I actually arrive at 12:30 and I can’t push around those bags for 7 hours.
Housemate #?:
I’m sorry but you can’t be on the property unless 2 people are inside the house and the earliest time 2 people will be available tomorrow is at 7pm.  Sorry for the inconvenience.
Me:
I’m gonna call you when I can because I don’t understand
Tuesday March 3:
Me: Emoji of an airplane taking off sent (6:09am PST)
Housemate #1: Yay (8:24pm CST)
Me (1:30pm CST):
Just landed.  Headed that way to drop off my bags then to go find a meeting and to the library.
Housemate #?
Are you taking the bus?
Me:
Yea, or whatever connection I’m able to.  I will get there before 4.  I had to get extra patted down I guess for not wearing underwear… lol  Anyways it’s not he first time I’ve been mishandled at the airport. Lol  Long story short I’m about to look
Housemate #?:
Ok
Me:
It took the plane an hour and a half to take off.  It says I get there at 3:55pm  But it costs like $60 to get there via Lyft, so I’m a take a bus half way there then take a Lyft the rest of the way.
Housemate #?:
Ok, are you still arriving at 3:55
Me:
Before that
Housemate #? (3:07pm CST):
What time
Me:
OMW, eta 20 minutes
Housemate #?:
No good news Housemate #3 just arrived from work so you can come in we will UA first thing then I’ll go over everything with you.
Me:
That’s what’s up
Housemate #? (3:18pm CST)
Just in time lol because she has to leave again
Me (3:20pm CST):
Tell her thank you
The traffic is getting in the way.  Now it’s sayine eta 20 minutes again.  The driver was just sitting a block away for 20 minutes.. lol
Housemate#?:
Well if you get here before she leaves then you can come in.
Me:
When is she leaving?
Housemate #?:
IDK
Me:
I will just leave my stuff outside if I have to.  It’s all good.
Housemate #?:
I’ll let you know through text if she leaves
Me:
It’s ok. I will just leave my stuff outside and walk.  I’m a big girl I will survive.
Housemate #?
I know but if she is still here I want you to get in
Me (3:25pm CST):
K
Housemate #? (3:43pm CST):
It will be 7pm, I’m sorry
Housemate #? (3:48pm)
How far are you
It’s too late
End of  Text Messages for that day

Once I had texted them about my eta, I did my best to quicken my step as I looked at the time and made my way outside to find the train.  I knew I had walked outside the airport too soon once the Dallas heat begin to hit me, and I was practically dragging my bags for what felt like miles under a covered area adjacent to the airport before I was able to make my way to the train.  I had thought of calling a Lyft but it was almost a hundred dollars and the community group leaders only gave me $50 for the Lyft to the airport and it wasn’t enough.  I tried to ask someone which direction I should go and they were just as clueless as I was at that point.  However, the train conductor happened to be taking a break and he suggested I get on the train and get off at the next station and the Lyft wouldn’t be so much.  I got on the train and welcomed the cool air and a chance to rest my feet.  For a moment I felt good and hopeful to be back in Dallas for what seemed like it could be a new start.  Instead of getting off at the very next stop I let a few stops go by and randomly got off at a hotel/outdoor convention hall. 

I took my luggage to one of the outside tables they had for their event and walked over to the statues that seemed to be drawing me to them.  Oh this was a site to see, the closer I got to the statues it was as if the noise from the traffic surrounding the outdoor convention center got louder and with every step I could hear the roaring of cars fill me with what I can only describe as electricity.  It’s like the noise was cheering me on which is completely the opposite effect that car revving normally gives me.  It was the Grapevine Prairie Peace and Friendship Circle of 1843, dedicated in 2021 and I was in Grapevine Texas! (https://www.grapevinetexasusa.com/grapevine-main-station/peace-circle/). As the revving continued to charge my body with energy, I moved closer and I immediately was drawn to a statue that revealed itself to be one of the Caddo Peoples, Chief Red Bear.  Chief Red Bear “was among the “Kadohadacho” elders/leaders spearheading the movement to unite the Caddo peoples as they were pushed out and displaced from their lands.  According to the website for the Peace Circle it says that Chief Red Bear was  “determined to lay down the hatchet against all white and red men and seek a country of peace.”  In addition, the Caddo people were known to be “fierce warriors that were skilled in fighting, bow making, and trading.” A powerful people caught in the cross hairs of the struggle for territory between “Texas, Mexico, and the Comanches,” that originated from what is now called “East Texas, Arkansas, Louisiana, and Oklahoma.”
Oh “this was good stuff” I said to myself as I moved to the 2nd statue of 11: Biloxi Chief Hoyo Tubby, who met with President Houston and signed the treaty at Bird’s Fort in 1843.  While the treaty was one of few that was initially honored by the Republic of  Texas Senate, according to the website, like many Treaty’s that were forced on Indigenous populations they were later violated.  Unfortunately it only took “16 years” before the Treaty at Bird’s Fort, designed to represent “peace and friendship” to be broken and plagued with inequitable harms like 2 justice systems that allowed white men to kill with little or no punishment while Indigenous were given death sentences for crimes against white men; and forced removals from their Texas homelands to reservations in Oklahoma.  While a selective few of the Biloxi peoples remained in what is now called “Bell County” they were eventually forced to join with other nations like the Seminoles to remain on their lands, however they eventually collapsed under pressure from the white man and their weapon of destruction and genocide, colonialism. For the purposes of this article, I won’t go in depth about each Indigenous leader represented in the Grapevine Peace Circle, however it is important for the readers to know that each Nation represented is just as important as the 2 described above.  All the stories are similar in that they trusted the wrong people, signed documents that outlined rules that were intentionally meant to be broken, given poison and disease in the guise of the white man’s comfort and ease, compelled to fight for what was theirs, and pitted against, or forced to join other Indigenous tribes in order to remain on their lands, and to their detriment banished to reservations as the white men deemed them savages and unworthy of what is rightfully theirs. Nations Represented at the Grapevine Peace Circle:

Cherokee Captain Chicken Trotter
Chicksaw Captain Ishteukatubby or Ishtayakaat abi
Waco Chief Acahquash
Anadarko Chief Jose Maria or Iesh
Keechi Chief Kateahtick or Kottanteek
Caddo Chief Red Bear
Biloxi Chief Hoyo Tubby
Delaware Chief Roasting Ear or Pacondalinquaing
Tawakoni Chief Kechikaroqua
Chief Towaash: The Inoni Peoples
Republic of Texas President

I implore you as the reader to do your research on each Nation represented here and throughout what we know as America. What should be noted, is that today we live in a land that is big on “land acknowledgments” in fact you can find websites that will break down whose land you’re on, and where those people are today.  With whole months dedicated to a people in remembrance of the contributions made, of those that have built the society that so many reap the fruits from except the descendants of those people who built it.  And with all those acknowledgments and dedications no reparation has or ever will be given because if it was our society as we know it, as the privileged know it, would collapse because they would have scraps comparable to nothing and they just can’t have that, they just can’t have what we have that would be a human rights wrong made right, but a crime to the color white, a white collar crime.
After taking what photos I could I grabbed my luggage and walked to the hotel to call my Lyft.  Once I ordered it I noticed that the car was just sitting in one spot for what seemed like 20 minutes.  I sent a message asking the driver to cancel the ride if he didn’t want to come.  As I did so the car began to move.  After a while a Lyft arrived and of course we ran into traffic.  My nerves were on end because I was trying to make it to the house before the other housemate left.  They were nice enough to change their minds and allow me to put my stuff on the porch, but I was tired and wanted to rest.  As we pulled into the driveway I received the final text saying that the other house mate left.  I had stopped texting because it was causing me too much anxiety trying to get there in time.  I got out the car and knocked on the door and it took about a minute or 2 for them to come to the door.  Hi I said I’m sorry about all that, the plane was late and the driver was just sitting there and then we ran into traffic.  No problem you’re here now let’s give you a UA.  I pushed my luggage into the entry way and went into the bathroom where I was handed a UA cup with a plastic sticker around it.  It seemed like the sticker had been removed and put back on as it was kind of lose and had more indentations then it should’ve but I’m no urinalysis agent.  I was told that they both had to watch me go to the bathroom, which seemed strange.  I mean it seemed strange to have one person watch me but 2?  I hurriedly went to the bathroom and immediately Housemate #3 said “it’s positive for Benzos” I responded what, do you mean I’m not on any medication and I haven’t taken any pills.  She hurriedly snapped the picture and as she turned around stated she was going to her room.  I was left with the other roommate as I begin to panic as thoughts filled my mind that I would not have a place to stay and be forced into a houseless shelter in Dallas again.  Housemate #1 said it’s ok I think you still passed the line was faint.  I didn’t understand however I responded that I wanted to take another one but she said that wasn’t necessary.  I don’t think I seen Housemate #3 even leave like she said she was while I was rushing to get there but that’s neither here nor there. 

I was tired so I was fine with Housemate #1 going over the rules and regulations as she had stated needed to be done before settling in.  We sat down at the kitchen table and she began to read me the packet.  I could feel myself dozing off from the days journey and I asked if I could just read it out loud.  She said ok and I began to read and sign and she stated it was ok if I did the rest later.  She showed me my room which I was getting a double bed with a bathroom. Wow what did I do to deserve this big room with my own bathroom and everyone else had to share (red flag # I don’t know) I quickly noticed what looked like mold and rust in the fan that didn’t work in the bathroom.  I said something but didn’t go into depth because I needed a place to stay and I could see me mentioning it made her uncomfortable.
She then showed me my space for my dry foods and then took me into the garage where the 3rd refrigerator was located.  There was just enough space for me to get to the refrigerator and a small pathway cleared out to get to the garage door and that was it.  The rest was piled with boxes and clothes and what looked like everyone who had once lived here’s memories.  It was stuffy and above the refrigerator there loomed a big gap in the ceiling with what looked like a broken fan.  That’s the best way that I can describe it. I opened the refrigerator to see a bunch of empty to half empty containers of modly food that I was told was Housemate #2’s stuff.  I asked if I could clean it out and she said to leave it for Housemate #2 to do.  We quickly walked back into the kitchen area and I was given the ok to settle in.  She sent me the invite to join their GroupMe and with that invite I was given a question in the form of a phrase “I wanna be Cloister fu$%#d”  I typed in No, but it didn’t go through and so she said she would ask one of the other housemates and would re-send it later. She acted surprised to see that and said she didn’t have that experience when she joined the GroupMe.  This was the one of the many uncomfortable moments at Cloister House. There was me asking if there was any shared food to which Housemate #1 stated “no.”  Out of hunger I asked where was the closest store and she stated Albertsons.  She said she could walk it in around “20 minutes,” and she quickly went out the door while on the phone right after that.  I thought to myself what is up with everyone’s abrupt leaving but my hunger called my attention so I went ahead and googled it and went about my journey to the store. 

Of course, I forgot that there aren’t many sidewalks in Texas and the sidewalks where there were some were narrow as a pirate ship walking plank or a circus tight rope.  When I tell you I could feel the breeze of the cars going by as I tried to navigate the narrow path and the emanating presence of the thousand pound machines right next to my body indicating that that with one wrong move I could very well be splatted on the street because it wasn’t enough room for me on the sidewalk.  The walk was nice once I got to the residential portion of it.  The streets were sprawled with what looked like little mansions.  I got to Alberstons and headed for the deli to get some quick food to eat.  Once I got back to the house Housemate #1 was back and looked at me stating that I “looked tired” I responded I’m not tired I’m hungry even though I was tired and hungry but how dare she say I looked tired, tf.  I asked her if I could use her salt and pepper to which she went and grabbed it out of a cabinet that Housemate #4 later told me was the shared cabinet, that and one other cabinet and 2 shelves.  Go figure that, I could’ve gotten food here had I known that.  I didn’t address it because I was just thankful to be in a place. For 11 days I experienced micro-aggressions, gas lighting, and less than respectful communication via GroupMe.  This included being micro-managed about cleaning dishes that I was told they didn’t even know was here.  This included being ignored when I stated I needed an accommodation, or asked about a shared item in the house, lack of communication about men being in the house, or having left the house, lies about there being shared food, asked about if I touched the computer, having the wifi turned off on me while I was watching the tv, asked about eating chips that had mysteriously migrated to the shared shelf.  And then once I shared about my disability then there began to be the excessive spraying of perfumes then the spraying of perfumes in the vents that no one either answered or they just didn’t know.  The turning off of fans with the response “I’m too short to reach it” however it’s turned on by 2 light switches on the wall. I was told that my Mp3 player was too loud in my room even though it just sounded like someone with there door closed watching television at a low volume. 
Quiet time hours were from 10pm to 8am but it seemed like everyone else didn’t have to obey that rule as they were loud, stomping talking until they were tired.  Again, I was just thankful to have a place, so I didn’t say anything until the first house meeting where I was confronted with being “passive aggressive.” Then it was downplayed and dismissed after I apologized for doing the things that they said I did, but they actually did.  All this and some was done but I just let it go.  People are gonna be people and “we fight not against flesh and blood, but against principalities and things that slither in the night,” right?

I just prayed and got up every day and went to libraries, applied for jobs, went to meetings, went to church and bible study, and went to go workout.  I just did my best to get myself together.  But it seemed like it wasn’t enough.  If I asked about a shared item for the house it was ignored and I would have to ask again and then I would be reprimanded for using too much of that item, to which I would apologize and restate that I would buy more once I gained employment.   I began to notice that when I would say something to one housemate immediately all the other housemates would join in.  Even on GroupMe but I wouldn’t say anything until yesterday when I asked a Housemate if she could wait to wash her 2nd load in the morning because it was quiet time.  It had to be 11:30 pm.  One housemate answered the question and then another one, everyone except the person I asked.  I then asked if she could respond and she finally responded “no.” The conversation went downhill quick.  It basically ended with me being told I could go to some shelter called the “24 hour club” if I didn’t like the way they responded all because I asked if a rule could be followed.  Mind you my environmental flare up was on 10.  It had been since I got off the plane, honestly.  I had been asking the church leaders, who for the record had already did enough in helping me get here, if I could get help with a air purifier and at that point I was asked why.  To which I responded that I had a Dr.s note essentially prescribing it.  They said they would ask the community group and the church as a whole but I was told that things were moving slowly, and they hadn’t received a response. With the heat from the dryer and the repetitive spraying of perfume, my heart was pounding.  I mean it felt like I was inverted on a roller coaster.  So I got up and began to move my body.  I went into the bathroom to the window to try and get some fresh air and it wasn’t enough, so I put on my clothes and went outside.  With my music I began to move my body to shake off the trauma and to warm up.  I stayed outside for about 3-4 hours until I felt some relief.  Mind you every time I was outside, I would get what felt like gassed by cars that either didn’t have emissions done in a while or something.  It was very debilitating and coupling that with the spurts of 60 degree cold air blowing out of the vents in the house next to the ceiling out of nowhere I couldn’t catch a break.  My body was absorbing so much that I sprayed the Dawn dishwashing spray on a dish and immediately went into a coughing fit. Back to the present moment, I came in the house around 4am and tried to lay down and I couldn’t go to sleep. 

My body was twitching, my lungs felt like they had a stack of books on top of them and my head hurt to name a few symptoms.  Once it was 8am, I got out of the bed and begin to call the welfare office so that I could get Medicaid so I could go to the hospital. While I was on the phone I let the GroupMe chat know that I had reported what had been done to me and that was returned with a reminder of my behavior of leaving the door open to get fresh air and being late to my first and only weekly meeting. I apologized again for both instances and then I was told there would be an emergency meeting that night.  I responded that I was going to the hospital and I wouldn’t be able to respond for awhile however I would attend once I got out the hospital.  Yes, I had finally reached the pain threshold where I was willing to put aside everything that had been happening to me, all my fears of being at the hospital and go by myself.  I had asked multiple people to come with me recently, but no one would.  I tried to get the case management here again, but by the time I got to Dallas they had removed me completely from the wait list even though they were supposed to put me at the bottom of the waitlist.  Thank God I was able to speak to a higher up and explain that I wasn’t challenging their waitlist policy like she indicated, I was challenging the fact that I couldn’t get case management anywhere and I couldn’t get down here to get the case management when I was on the top of the waitlist, and I had been told that I was going back on the waitlist.  She said that it could be the end of the month before I could get help. Back to that moment, I waited on hold, and went online and tried to apply for Medicaid but the system couldn’t verify the truth about who I was so I was kicked off  with know explanation and once I called I was told I needed to come in, in order to apply.  So I just went to the emergency room with the hopes that DHS would be able to backpay them.
At the ER they got me right in and ran multiple tests to make sure it wasn’t blood clots but that test came back inconclusive however the Dr said she was able to see that I didn’t have massive blood clots.  In hindsight I should’ve asked do you see little ones?  It was so painful I was told even though I didn’t move the anxiety or pain I felt caused the test to not come back correct.  Well, I googled it and that’s not what AI or google said but who am I to question the technician.  I was able to get my steroids, and my headache and left lung pain had subsided significantly.  Then this random lady walked in my room stating “what are you doing?”  I responded half shocked and amused “waiting for the Dr.”  Pointing at the wall she said “why did you do that”  I looked at the wall to see a open cable box that had apparently become dislodged from the wall.  My response was “I didn’t do that,” She said “well it wasn’t like that when you got here,” and turned around and walked off.  I smiled and shook my head, nope not falling for that, I said to myself.  Right after that what looked like a medical assistant came over to the room next to me and I asked him what her name was as she was seated about 2 long desks from where my room was. 

His response was that he could not give me her name, but I could ask for the charge nurse.  I stated I didn’t want to do all that I just wanted her name.  So when my nurse came in I asked her what her name was and that’s when she told me that she was the receptionist, and she had told her that “I think I upset your patient.” Laughing I said she thinks, who wants to be accused of jumping up and pulling something down from the wall.  She intentionally did that to get a rise but it’s ok.  I was discharged with prescriptions that I didn’t have the money nor the insurance to fill but at least I have them.  I asked for non-narcotic anxiety meds and the Dr. happily gave them to me and gave me some at the hospital which helped my mood a little bit.  I walked back home but stopped at the store to get some food to eat.  I warmed them up and then sat on the couch trying to watch tv.  I was so tired I noticed myself falling asleep, so I went to my bed and as soon as I fell asleep or shortly after I heard the housemates come in or open the door, I’m not sure.  Then I heard “man in the house” and I was like really; she is bringing her boyfriend for the emergency meeting.  Then I heard another knock followed by another “man in the house.” I then got on the GroupMe and asked if we were still having the meeting because all I could here was cheer and little bits of laughter.  No one responded to the GroupMe, so I asked again citing “that I still wasn’t feeling all the way well and I was tired and I wanted to know if we were still having the meeting?” That’s when one of the Housemates came to my door stating that the “meeting was mandatory.”  So I pushed myself out of the bed to see a table full of people and a dining room full of vapor smoke.  I was asked to sit down to which I declined.  I asked why there were so many people here in total 5 extra people to which I was told they were asked to be here.  They then begin to say how I had been disruptive and had not taken accountability for this or for that.  I was so taken aback by this but remained calm in an attempt to plea my case.  They begin to bring up old things and when I would make a point then another person would weigh in on what was considered my disruptive behavior.  I was then told that I’m just repeating myself but to that point I said well I’m having to explain it to 3 people so maybe that’s why you are hearing it multiple times.  Finally, the housemate that gave me the faulty UA slammed down the pen and began to yell at me and followed it with a motion to expel me to which they all quickly agreed.  Then they started laughing and went outside to celebrate while the additional 5 people said they had a space for me to go to as I was only given an “hour” to get my things and vacate the premises.

My response of course was shock and fear.  I didn’t want to go to a house that was so readily to accept someone who was labeled as being disruptive without an interview.  I was told that they needed help and I could potentially get a job if I went to that house.  In my mind I was like they were trying to put me out yesterday and clearly all of y’all were on board because y’all already have a house for me to go to even though I was told because I didn’t sit there like a good girl (I’m paraphrasing it) then that’s why I was being expelled.  I explained that I hadn’t did any of the things that would warrant expulsion therefore, I shouldn’t have to leave let alone pack up my stuff in a hour and go in the middle of the night.  Then they all came back in from celebrating my expulsion in the back yard and once they heard that I wasn’t leaving that this was unfair they begin to yell “get the fu&% out bi%$#,  I mean they were doing everything that would warrant an expulsion in front of leadership and they just sat there watching it.  A man and a girl got up and left leaving an X resident of the house who was close with one of the house mates and a man and a woman who were clearly on there side.  I asked them to stop yelling and they began to charge at me like they wanted to fight.  They called me psycho, schizophrenic, talked about my faith saying “the devil is gonna love me” calling me cunts all the while I was told that I need to get out.  I remained steadfast asking them to not yell at me and I begin to raise my voice but I didn’t once call them out their name with the exception of calling one of them a Karyn.  I also stated that they wouldn’t be acting the way they were if we were on the street and one of the sober house leaders man had taken it upon himself to tell them that he was there to “watch me.”  He then went on to say that “this always happens to me so I have to be the problem” (paraphrasing).  I was like I don’t even know you but clearly you know me and when I tried to ask him on camera, he switched that all the way up and denied it.  The housemates as well but eventually they couldn’t help themselves and they still began to cuss me out even when I was filming them.  They then would have moments when they would calm down and even called the police on me.  Then she went outside and turned the power off to the whole house.  I mean the privilege was privileging.  All the while my pleas for respect and for them to not talk about me were met with laughter and taunts and words like “stupid cu&t” and saying only the ones who video tape are doing things wrong etc.  I just continued to stay in the living room because the last thing I wanted to do was wake up to police standing over me.  It must have taken at least 2-3 hours for them to show up and when they did I opened the door.  They went and took everyone’s statement except the person who called them unless they did it outside and allowed her to go back to her room.  They addressed the Sober living Officer (there words not mine) who said that this was a “democratically ran house” and they had the right to put me out.  But after viewing my videos of them doing what they had done to me they agreed that everything they were saying I did, they in fact did and that the landlord would have to take me to court as I resided here and had paid my non-refundable deposit.  Side note, they were sahing that I would leave here owing $250 and have to pay another house the non-refundable deposit.  Talk about attempting to put me in a pit. 

Eventually they agreed that this house was not a democracy (in my opinion) and they couldn’t put me out that it would have to be the landlord who would have to file a civil complaint and then they left taking the sober living officer left with them, who was supposed to be impartial but wasn’t based off of his treatment of me.  In spite of that, I told him that I would call him in the morning and think about going to interview with the place that had accepted me without an interview.  As I slept or tried to there were about 2-3 hours of dragging and banging that I had heard in the kitchen area.  Then it got so cold I could barely sleep. Once the noise stopped, I got up to see that the temperature was all the way down to 60 degrees.  I couldn’t believe it especially since the air was no longer coming from the vents that had been blowing on me.  The sober living officer begins to call me back-to-back after hearing one of the housemates saying loudly that “she still is here.”  After that I decided that going to that house had to be just a different place for them to do the same thing.  I didn’t answer his calls, however I did text him letting him know that “I didn’t trust him, nor did I feel safe with him” after what he said to me and the other housemates, and that “I needed to rest and I would look for a place as soon as I could and to not text me anymore.”  Only for him to show up an hour later to the door and the housemate let him in and he lays on the couch without saying anything to me. Mind you this is the person that openly said that he would be alright with leaving me with the housemates so that they could “handle me” the way they wanted to.  So, I text him that I don’t feel safe with him here and could he please leave.  He responded “well then leave and go somewhere safe.” So I called the police this time,  and once I got off the phone another new person showed up.  I asked him why he was here and he stated he was the outreach person and that someone else would be coming.  I said I wasn’t in a position to have to rehash everything that happened to me again that I needed to rest, that I had just got out the hospital and had maybe a total of 4 hours asleep in the last 2 nights.  I asked him could he “please call that person and tell them not to come.” He said they were almost here so he couldn’t do it.  So I asked him could he watch the videos of how they were acting and I restated that I didn’t do anything but stand up for myself and after I explained that I had reported there behavior that’s when they told me to leave before the emergency meeting where they tried to expel me. 

While I was talking one of the housemates came up and moved my phone grabbed a paper that he had pulled out unbeknownst to me and put it on my door.  It was a letter to vacate for disruptive behavior and not paying my bill. I removed it asking “how could you let her do something that the police said they couldn’t even do?”  Removing it, I went back to trying to get him to watch what they had done to me when a lady came in saying she worked for the sober living house.  I tried to get her to watch it and her response was that she heard everyone going back and forth and she “didn’t need to watch it in it’s entirety to know what happened. She originally said she didn’t’ need to watch it, I quickly said yes she does and the more they both listened they begin to understand or I thought so.  There point was that I had mentioned something about race being a factor and I could go to this other house where there were people my same race.  But one doesn’t negate the other just because it’s white privilege happening here doesn’t mean when I go to that place just because they are Black they are going to accept me.  I said they should look into what a democracy is and what a autocracy is.  I was then told that they wanted to work with the housemates here so that they don’t do it to someone else again but me I needed to go where I was accepted to which I agreed but at this time I don’t have that place.  I needed time which is what I told the housemates even before they had tried to expel me…
They both left with my understanding that they “were going to do something” but would have to decide and that “I needed to do what I needed to do” in the meantime.  So what did I do.  I cried and I wrote, and I wrote and I cried, and when the housemate started trying to talk to me through the ring door, and tried to give me another notice vacate, I just ignored it.  When the house that they tried to send me to started calling me and refused to let me know who gave them my number, I remained polite.  And the next day when the Chapter Outreach person finally responded to my text and calls with resources I called him and he didn’t answer.  So I left a message and texted him.  Once I got him on the phone I asked him did he talk to the housemates and his response was totally different than what he actually said to me before he left the day before. When I tried to restate the fact that I was being put out for things that are documented that they did to me he said he has no control over that and he was just giving me resources.  Then a new person got on the phone (a woman) and she basically reiterated what he said.  I thanked them for the resources and asked could I speak to someone above the officer because the officer was a part of the harassment and wrongful eviction.  She said she would try to connect me with a regional officer.  And a few moments later the chapter outreach worker sent me a phone number.  With my threshold being short I responded that I would call him Monday but could he speak to the housemates and have them stop harassing me.  He still hasn’t responded because I guess to him this is legal.
So, I guess the point of it all was to Cloister fu%$ me and they outright asked me from jump.  But the God that I serve won’t have that, the God that I serve, that they talked about while trying to emotionally break me down, and try to fight me as a way to make me leave, still loves me and them.  I’m praying for us all!
Nehemiah 9:16-17 (KJV, Bible I was given while in Wise County jail)
“But they and our fathers dealt proudly and hardened their necks, and hearkened not to thy commandments and refused to obey, neither were mindful of thy wonders and thou didst among them; but hardened their necks and in their rebellion appointed a captain to return to their bondage: but thou art a God ready to pardon, gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness, and forsookest them not.”

JDPBS4God4LifeWAMIGITYJ Amen