Foreword:
I’m a repeat it for the people in the back….As a survivor, advocate, and someone who has had the privilege to receive, provide and study services for survivors in detail; I can say with confidence that there is so much to be desired in the anti-trafficking landscape of resources that spans across EDUCATION, medical, legal, employment, aging, and economic sectors. Although Black, Hispanic, and Indigenous girls and women comprise the majority of those sex trafficked; as is, the current resources cater to mostly girls and women, and white women at that. Middle-class white women will dominate the media as survivors, every time. Everyone wants to share their story, be a part of it; turning right-wing maga supporters into anti-sex trafficking advocates with the swoop of a pen, in the blink of an eye. They definitely deserve it, but how much money, resources, and media coverage are spent on so few? Will the time, money, and laws created trickle down to the Black, Hispanic, Indigenous girls, women, boys, men, and their communities in the past, present, or future? If history is correct justice rises up, and injustices are passed down. Which brings me to all the boys and men who fall between the cracks of systemic injustice that began with slavery in the U.S., or long before that for that matter? Are they casualties of war; poster children of what can happen if left to their own devices after being trafficked themselves; becoming the traffickers? What’s in your DNA, I know what’s in mine? What about the services that pick the perfect survivor, only to share her story and pick her apart then discard her when the resources fail her, by design. WHAT ABOUT OUR GOVERNMENT THAT DOES THE SAME THING BUT TAKES NO ACCOUNTABILITY through businesses, sweatshops, and the likes of Epstein and things. The biggest pimp I know is a rich Jewish white man, but that doesn’t mean all Jewish people are that way, right? Anyways that’s another story, this story is about my mom and the men who impacted me and her, the most, were they abusees or just her P’s: Black Cadillacs & white Chocolate, Autotune, Beneficial Jimmy, Sidewalk Sweeper, Hawk (my father), and Dirty Rice; these are some of the boys and men that shaped who I am today,
oh, the things I’ve seen….
Hawk: He said I could call him Dad! (The 3rd Saga)
“Come on baby we’re going to the beach,” “With who?” “Girl, you ask too many questions, we’re going with my friend so just get in speak when spoken too, and sit back and ride, and we gonna get some Ivars and candy, ok?” “Ok, mother, some Ivars, okaaay, can I wear a dress, the yellow one?” “Girl, you and your dresses, yes baby you can wear the yellow one, I’m a put it on my bed after I get out the shower, just give me some time to get dressed and then we will work on beautifying you ok.?” “Ok, but what beach are we going to Seward Park or somewhere out here.” Stopping what she was doing she looked at me and shook her head and smiled…” You just can’t help yourself huh?” Taking her look at me as a personal invite for one of her many hugs I ran to her which was really running into her and wrapped my arms around her hips as I was only hip high and as I picked her up for a mili second she screamed to let me know I was strong “Put me down” she said as she giggled. “Mother your already on the floor, see your feet?” “Oh, yeah I am, thank you baby, now go play in your room and I will call you when it’s time to get dressed.” “Ok mother,” I said as I skipped into my room to play with Black Ken and white Barbie.
Dressed in my yellow dress, frilly socks, and Mary Janes I waited by the door. “Mom, can I wait outside, Peaches and them is out there?” “Who’s and them?” “Ummm, the little white boy Pauly and little Jimmy.” “I suppose, but make sure you stay in front, ok?” “Ok.” “What did I ask you to do?” Slamming the front door I yelled “make sure to stay in front” as I ran to see where they were. Spotting them across the parking lot I quickly forgot what she said, and I had promised, as I looked both ways and skipped across the parking lot to join them at the other end of the complex. As I got closer, I saw that they were looking towards where I had just came from. “Hi, what y’all doing?” Without looking at me Plum said, “ooh, ooh, here he come again.” Following their eyes across the parking lot I saw a man kicking my mom’s friend Vets door that was about 7 apartments down from ours. “Who is that?” “That’s Bubba and he about to beat her ass again,” Plum said as she smiled and leaned against the green electricity box that Pauly was standing on. “Why?” I said. Ignoring me she screeched “he kicked it open!” Pauly jumped off of the electricity box and ran towards Vet’s apartment “come on let’s get closer.” And with that everyone begins to run and I of course being the youngest I was last to make my way to the sidewalk adjacent to Vets apartment. As soon as I got to the sidewalk Bubba emerged from the front door dragging Vet by her breast saying all sorts of obscenities. “Bubba no, I’m sorry, please let me go” Vet yelled as he continued to drag her to his car. As soon as he let go Vet wasted no time jumping to her feet and making a run for her door. Bubba quickly followed grabbing her by her shirt yanking her hard she fell backwards on to the pavement “smack” “Ugh,” she groaned as he screamed through clenched teeth “Bitch I’m a kill you, run again.” Sirens wailed as the police turned the corner into the parking lot. Bubba immediately let her go and walked towards his car when I heard my mom calling my name “Joyyyyyy,” she yelled turning around I could see she was standing on the sidewalk talking to a tall light skinned man with a curl looking my way. “Here I come, bye ya’ll.” I said as pivoted and began to skip towards my mom and her friend. With a stern look on her face my mom shook her head and said “didn’t I tell you to stay in front?” “but Vet…” Shaking her head I could see she had tears in her eyes as she looked past me towards Vets apartment “I don’t want to hear it,” pointing towards a beige Cadillac she said “get in!”
“Hey now, you didn’t even introduce us,” Hawk said as he moved his toothpick from one side of his mouth to the other, lowering himself to my level. He said “I’m Robert, nice to meet you Joy.” “Hi,” I said as I backed away from him and grabbed my mom’s leg. Pulling a brown shiny wrapper out of his pocket “I brought you something,” holding the candy bar so I could see it was a Twix. “Your momma said you like these?” Looking at my mom for approval and getting the nod I grabbed the candy bar and skipped to the back door of the Cadillac, “Thank you, let’s go.” And with that we hopped in his Cadillac and headed to the beach. I soon found out he was really fun and that probably had a lot to do with his charm and how much time he spent with me. Sometimes he would watch me when my mom had to work. He would take me to his friends and even to his mom’s house where we would spend time with his sister Katrina. She was so pretty and she would take me with her sometimes as well. I remember she was in High School and we went to her graduation. My mom really loved her too. I remember he had friends that lived in the Southend around the Vista or Rainer Vista and I think one of their names was Jill. She was cool, we would often go over there and listen to music and catch a contact from the weed they were smoking. Or he would take me to the Holly Park gym, and I would watch him play basketball. Everything was really good until Katrina passed away. She had gotten the flu, or at least that’s what the Dr.s said because they sent her home only for her to have to be taken back to the hospital via the ambulance, and she passed away.
I think she had diabetes or something. I remember her death was preventable and it really messed him up bad. One time I heard my mom discussing it with her friend saying that his mom told him, “I wish it would’ve been you who died.” I think that would mess anyone’s head up. We would often ride around while my mom was handling business, and we would listen to the cuts like Computer Love by Zapp and Ready for the World. One day he said, “you can call me Dad if you want because I love you like my daughter?” I said, “ok, dad” and I called him dad from then on. Little did I know that my mom was pregnant at that time. Yea, there was times when he would kick down the door, or jump on my mom for something, but that had always happened with Autotune. I thought it was normal. So when my mom and I had pulled up to his mom’s house after being away for awhile I guess my mom seen the look on his face and decided we should come back another time because as soon as she turned off the car she turned it right back on and tried to put it in drive when he put his hand through the window snatched the key out the ignition opened the door and attempted to drag her out the car. Yelling “stop” from the passenger seat did no good, as he drug her out the car and half way across the yard before his mom’s boyfriend came outside and stopped them. Crying on the grass next to my mom as she cried I learned later that’s how she lost her baby, what would have been my sibling.
At one point my Aunt Sandra RIP had rented a house in West Seattle. They would both be gone sometimes and I would have to take care of us, Little Robert, Tashara, and Alice. But at least I wasn’t alone. We had each other and we would have dance party’s and I would cook what was in the house for us, which would often be cereal or popcorn. After some time my aunt stopped coming back and I think my little cousins got taken by CPS. Anyways Hawk showed up and I was happy at first until my mom started crying and he wouldn’t let her out the house. Eventually we were confined to the room where he would hit her upside the head every time she tried to leave. I saw it, I watched it until my mom said to “just lay down and turn the other way.” I had to sleep on the floor and every time she would move I would hear it, him hitting her, and then she would cry again, and there was nothing I could do, nothing I could do to save her. I just laid there on the floor only getting up when I thought they were both sleep to go to the bathroom until sometime later, there was banging on the door, and I got up and ran to the door before he could tell me to not answer it and it was one of my uncles, I don’t remember which one but I know he let my mom go after that. More happened in that house it had to have been for like 3 days she was captive. My poor mommy. I remember my momma crying, cussing, and walking down the street free, and I following behind her happy she was free.
He would come and go out of me, and my mom’s lives or maybe the other way around, I’m not sure. I remember seeing him at my mom’s Vet’s house when she lived at the bottom of Holly Park and him banging on her door for my mom to come out. My mom also brought him back home with her during one of the many times we stayed with my aunty Jackies starting with her staying in the Terrace. This time we were living on Hudson and often my aunty Jackie and my mom would both be gone so teenagers literally ran the house and as a pre-teen I had just gotten beaten up by one of my play cousin’s Heax’s for speaking up about him touching on me. Laura Kanamu, was her name or something like that. She had to be like 5-6 years my senior and I honestly thought he was gonna jump in, so I didn’t fight back. I don’t think she wanted to, but she was scared of him, hell I was too, after watching him beat her with a stick after she got caught coming back from some dude’s house. She asked me to come with her and as we were coming up the back way there his ass was waiting at the door waiving the wooden pole. He wanted to hit me with it too but thank God my mom was there and I was like “I’m not your girlfriend, I asked my mom could I go with her.” It was crazy there. There would be a drive by on the house at least once a month, but the good thing was that I could steal roaches out the ashtray and no one paid attention. That was except for him. He would tell my aunty Jackie on me and she would tell my mom and my mom wouldn’t care because she knew I was getting high…lol. Anyways Hawk found my diary I had just started, and I think I was writing about them. Him jumping on her or something. I just remember my mom was like “you writing now huh, you should put it up where no one finds it next time.” I stopped writing after that, because we moved so much I had no safe space to keep it; but the fact that I was trying to find a positive way to deal with my trauma is amazing. I have to pat myself on the back for that. I think Black Cadillacs & White Chocolate came around during that time too, briefly. It would be some time before we would see Hawk again, I guess he flew away.
I don’t think birds can swim because sometime later I heard he had died. He drowned, I wish I would’ve gotten to see my dad again before he died. He was the closest thing to a Father I had, he was the only one who wanted to claim me. No one wanted to claim me not Black Cadillacs & White Chocolate, not even Dirty Rice, and he had been around since I was 11 or 12 years old. He made it appoint to tell me “you are not my daughter, and you can not call me dad,” and after him saying that so much I was fine with it, Jesus is my father, f&^k Dirty Rice.
References
An Exploratory Study of Adolescent Pimping Relationships by Pamela M Anderson, Karin K Coyle, Anisha Johnson, Jill Denner https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.hih.gov/articles/PMC4079071/?hl=en-US#:-:text+%E2%80%9D%20(Female%20Student)%20Both%20groups%20also%20suggested,is%20often%20an%20easier%20and%less.%20%E2%80%9c
The Confluence of Gender and Poverty: The Shameful History of the /trafficking of Poor Persons for Sexual Exploitation by Jody Raphael
https://www.repository.law.indiana.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1045&context=ijlse&hl=en-US
Duff, P., Shoveller, J., Chettiar, J., Feng, C., Nicoletti, R., & Shannon, K. (2015). Sex Work and Motherhood: Social and Structural Barriers to Health and Social Services for Pregnant and Parenting Street and Off-Street Sex Workers. Health Care for Women International, 36(9), 1039–1055. https://doi.org/10.1080/07399332.2014.989437 Cited by: 109
Elsdon, R., O’Shaughnessy, R., Hodge, S. M., & Murray, C. D. (2021). Becoming a mother in the context of sex work: Women’s experiences of bonding with their children. Health Care for Women International, 43(6), 663–685. https://doi.org/10.1080/07399332.2021.1949598 Cited by:
Murnan, A., Wu, Q., & Slesnick, N. (2018). The impact of parenting on child mental health among children of prostituting mothers. Children and Youth Services Review, 89, 212–217. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.childyouth.2018.04.042 Cited by: 13
National Black Women’s Justice Institute
Resources | NBWJI
Office of Women’s Health: Effects of domestic violence on children
Effects of domestic violence on children
Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia Center for Injury Research and Prevention (CHOP), Domestic Violence and Child Abuse
Domestic Violence and Child Abuse | CIRP
Research | Center for Injury Research and Prevention (CIRP)
Futures Without Violence: Children
Children – Futures Without Violence New
Child Welfare Information Gateway
Child Welfare Information Gateway | Child Welfare Information Gateway
National Institute of Health / Pum Med Central (PMC)
pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
Frontiers in Public Health
frontiersin.org/journals/public-health
The National Child Traumatic Stress Network
nctsn.org
Journal of Global Health: Causes of preventable death among children of female sex worker mothers in low- and middle-income countries: A community knowledge approach investigation (JOGH)
Causes of preventable death among children of female sex worker mothers in low- and middle-income countries: A community knowledge approach investigation — JOGH
