(2 of the Oxford House Abuser)

God give me strength to deal with people who intentionally do evil or turn a blind eye.  Please help me to stop internalizing it, please help me to keep my eyes on you.

I decided to show up to court anyway.  He had told me not to once I said I was showing up rather than allowing him to speak to the judge on my behalf, but I finally realized that I couldn’t trust this lawyer either.  Three cases and three different lawyers all quit; leaving me with 3 new lawyers, including 2 DA’s who moved to a different department.  There was nothing normal about this, about what had been happening to me.  A day after I told him I was coming he responded via text that he had “rescheduled the court appearance for next month” like I had stated I wanted.  I reminded him that he said he would appear on my behalf and he and I had never discussed rescheduling. When I asked him to show me the court date since it had been rescheduled already, he avoided the question stating that it needed to be changed because there was a new DA.  Again, I asked him where was the court documentation of the rescheduled court date?  He stopped responding and that’s when I really new I needed to be there.  Walking into the courthouse I reflected once again on my time in Dallas County jail.  Thankful that I wasn’t at their mercy, thankful that I wasn’t being abused by the very people in charge of facilitating rehabilitation aka punishment in the jail, aka the guards.  Going to the 4th floor I made my way to Monique’s courtroom and looked at the roster.  Sure enough, my name was there.  “What the fu&^,” I said as I took a photo and went to try to speak with the court coordinator for the 4th time.  Walking and texting my new lawyer.  “you said I wasn’t scheduled today but my name is still on the roster, what’s up with that?”  Sending him the photo, he responded with a photo of my rescheduled court date.  “Ohh hell no, that’s dated yesterday and I told you I was coming 2-3 days ago.  You got that rescheduled after I said I was coming.”  Switching my attention to the clerk behind the desk I asked to speak with the court coordinator. “She’s not in.” Well I have left her multiple messages, in person, via email and by phone and she is not responding to any of them.”  The only thing I can tell you is to speak with the supervisor and I can call her for you, just have a seat.  Sitting down I waited patiently and eventually she came and went through the process of basically telling me there was nothing I could do.


I want to speak to the judge, this isn’t right.  Can you look up and see if my court date has been rescheduled.  After looking, she confirmed that I still had court today.  Oh, hell no, if I wouldn’t have come I believe I would have gotten a warrant.  Is there anything you can do to get me in front of the judge.  Responding the supervisor of the day said “I can go in there with you and speak to the judge and ask her.” Ok that’s fine let’s go.  Walking next door to Monique’s court room, court was in between seeing people, so I took a seat and she went to the judge and asked about me talking with her.  Judge Monique immediately stated that she “could not talk to me because I had a lawyer.” Speaking out of turn I went on a limb and started talking to her anyway cuz what the fu&%. “Well I have court today according to the docket and my lawyer ain’t here I am and he hasn’t been doing his job and neither has your coordinator who refuses to respond to my messages, they are trying to force me to take mental health court, and this isn’t fair and I’m the one having to live with a domestic violence charge that I didn’t do, where a group of people decided it was ok to harass and verbally abuse, assault, and trigger my disability…. And then I was interrupted as the supervisor came over to me and motioned to leave.  Deciding I didn’t want to make things worse as the court guard stood up, I went with her satisfied that at least she heard what had been going on.  According to the coordinator I would have to go through this “for at least a year before any resolution.”  I didn’t feel like I had the energy to do this anymore as I walked to the elevator I decided to turn around and find the department where I could see if I could get a restraining order against my new abusers that I lived with specifically my roommate who had decided that terrorizing me was her favorite past time.  It was like they sicc’ed her on me and didn’t care what she did.  And since the owners and Pad split weren’t helping, I thought it best to do that before something really happened as she had already swung at me, threatened to kill me, and was now getting up in the morning when I was often waiting outside the bathroom door or at the end of my hallway to either verbally abuse me or to spray perfume or aerosol, when she wasn’t burning food in the middle of the night.


I asked which floor I could go to and once I made it there a Hispanic woman greeted me.  I asked her what I would need to do to file a temporary protective order and she stated that I would need the other person’s birth date.  I asked her did they have special one for people with disabilities and she said “no.”  I asked her could I just fill the form out without her birthday because I didn’t have that information, but I had everything else.  “Look ma’am I was told by the people who manage and own the property that this was my only option, and they don’t provide that and she isn’t going to volunteer that.  Calling Pad split right there I had the clerk listen to the operator state that she “could not give me that information,’ all the while encouraging me to file for the temporary order.  The clerk said I will submit your paperwork and then you will receive a email on whether or not they accept it because I can’t do anything without a birthdate.  Feeling frustrated, I filled out the paperwork and thanked her and left.  A couple hours later I received an email stating I was denied the temporary order.  Again, I reached out to Pad split who stated that I needed to file the order without it and people had done it without it before, so basically, they were saying why was I having this problem.  So, what I did is I responded to Pad split and included the court that denied me the temporary order, stating how am I supposed to protect myself via the way you’re suggesting and the court is stating I need that information and you have the information but you won’t give it to me so I can protect myself.  This has been going on for months and no one is doing anything all the while I’m suffering.  Pad split didn’t respond and neither did the court anymore and about a few hours later I was notified via Pad Split that the roommate was moving out and to “not address her,” as she did. I was out of town when I received the message so I didn’t have a problem with that.  They knew I was never going to be able to get the restraining order in the first place.  This made me sad everyone and anyone has permission to do me wrong and no one is helping me, multiple people have done this and no one has helped me in fact I’m facing charges for trying to stop a man from forcing himself in the house I live as my roommates were on my back trying to bring him in.  This is crazy.


Losing one of the cases in Oregon left me feeling defeated.  I didn’t have energy to testify on my behalf like I wanted, and I had so many court dates because of the previous lawyer lying to me, weaponizing the law against me and I couldn’t even share that with the judge because they magically assigned me 2 new lawyers fresh out of law school and I had just been traumatized on the plane ride there, this was never ending. Taking accountability, I guess it’s for the best.  I will be walking for a long while, if not forever, and maybe I deserve it. This will be a long while, enough time to make sure I don’t end up in that predicament ever again, but feeling very in danger and vulnerable without a car and no one to help me.  Even though something happened to my tire before that and there was proof, or at least I used to have proof, even though I passed the sobriety test, I still couldn’t remember what happened.  I hate my brain sometimes, it really feels broken now, I really couldn’t remember and the 5 police officers that showed up didn’t help my nerves.  I did have a glass of wine and that was reckless but watching the jury member beam with pride as they said I was guilty felt wrong.  Hearing the judge say that the jury felt empathetic when clearly one of thems actions did not show that made me feel even worse.  It is what it is, there’s nothing I can do about it but put myself at the mercy of Lyft drivers who had been denying rides, giving me bad reviews for their behavior and having me wait hours with no one showing up to get me.  The probation officer I was assigned had a clear bias and I believe I had worked alongside her when working with the state.  This was a clear conflict of interest, and her treatment immediately showed her disdain for me.  It was probably because of the lawsuit. But what could I do but ask to see the judge Eventually my next court date came around in Dallas and I was met by Jeff my 2nd lawyer, in this case with a dismissal.  “You told them you saw the videos of the harassment and abuse I endured for 5 days?” It’s the new DA, and we do believe you were being harassed.”  “You better go file that police report if you’re going to.” Feeling good, thankful for a win that I rightfully deserved, I went up to one of the guards standing by the door and asked him.  “Do y’all have internal affairs in here so I can make a complaint against the police?”  He responded that I needed to go to a regular station and then I remembered I had previously attempted to file charges against those that had filed charges against me after the fact while I was at Union Gospel Mission at a station but got to overwhelmed after going through the process to get their contact information in downtown Dallas and thought it best to try to get back there.  Maybe 2nd times a charm.  Guess I will put it on my to-do list and hopefully address it sooner than later.


About a month later after I had been bitten at least 10 times at my new apartment because of the leak in the roof that they refused to fix had attracted mosquitoes I’m guessing, I’m not sure what it was.  I know I had laid on the carpet before and had not gotten bitten at all.  But this was after maintenance had kept coming in and moving stuff etc. I was contacted by their lawyer and asked to move for the 2nd time after initially having it suggested by the manager after asking them to fix the leak that was dripping water on to the toilet and floor out of the ceiling.  I was also asked if I “wanted to fight” for asking for an after-hour maintenance by another person who worked in the front office.  Anyways the pain of all the bites and especially the one that was swollen etc., I thought it best to go to urgent care as one of them was red and showed a line going to my heart.  I hated calling in to my job, but I was going through enough and I needed to feel as good as I was able in order to be there and I felt bad, really bad.  I had/have been feeling really bad for a while now.  My equilibrium is off, my legs feel super heavy with the pain has been increasing and now due to the prolonged environmental triggers any little slight fragrance I start having symptoms.  Deciding to go to urgent care after work was nightmare.  I keep getting Lyft drivers that have the child lock on with perfume or aerosol or fragrance but no ability to speak English to turn the child lock off or to turn it down.  And once I’m in the car, I start panicking and my ability to speak Spanish goes out the window.  This time even when I looked it up the driver rolled down the window and then rolled it back up.  On the way back I just put on my mask and delt with the pain.  What’s the likelihood 3 Hispanic drivers and none of them know how to speak English or understand  how to roll down the Ventana.  I called in a 2nd day so that I could completely heal.  The antibiotics seemed to be doing their job and after taking a few Tylenols I decided to go to the precinct and press charges against my harassers at Cloister and the police that basically abused their position of power by attempting to have me committed for suicide even though I wasn’t suicidal and then when I came back and asked for their badge numbers after seeing they had allowed the occupants to go into my room, or they had, I was arrested for pushing Nicole off of me after Miguel pushed his way into the house when they told him to, well they helped him.


I looked up the precinct and was able to catch a train directly there.  Last time I had gotten a ride so I was happy about that.  I was instructed to start with Internal affairs first, which I did.  After feeling out everything, I felt extremely drained and triggered but I knew if I didn’t get the charges filed against the Oxford house gang I wasn’t going to.  After going to the front office, I asked the same lady who had told me to start with internal affairs that I wanted to file charges. “File charges for what?” she said.  For harassment and for assault and for intentionally triggering my disability.  “Against whom?” I have their names I said as I pulled out the police report from when the first set of officers showed up that Friday. “Well, it looks like you already have a report you don’t need to do another one.” I began to lose my words, but I just started to pray on the inside, and they came back to me. “This is for a different day, and it just has the names of the people, it’s a different incident.” “Who said you could file that you just came from internal affairs, right.” Well, I let the officer know I was coming down here to file it and my lawyer said I could.” “Well, I need to call them first.” “Why do you need to call her first, she has nothing to do with this.” “Let me be the decider of that,” she said as she walked away and picked up the phone.  I began to continue to pray, thank you God, you’re such a good God, oh powerful you are, you never fail me, I’m never alone with you, you are my protector, you are my lawyer, you are help in trouble.”  The officer from internal affairs came down and the officer behind the glass stated.” “Did you tell her she could file this.” “Ma’am I told you my lawyer said I could and she had nothing to do with this.” Inside I thought what is with these people.  I even went to legal aid for help and instead of doing the paperwork they told me not to file charges too, what is going on, I thought.  Finally, after the IA officer basically was like ain’t nothing I can do about it. She said have a seat over there and I will be with you.  Taking a seat, I waited patiently.  She then came from behind the counter and asked me to switch seats with her which I did deciding to stand.

(I TOTALLY FORGOT THAT THEY LIED AND HAD THE ACCOUNTANT FOR OXFORD HOUSE SHOW UP TO EVICTION COURT ON THEIR SIDE AS THEY TRIED TO PUT AN EVICTION ON MY RECORD AND I WAS ENCOURAGED TO NOT FIGHT IT AND CHALLENGE THEM BECAUSE I HAD PENDING CHARGES AGAINST ME AND THE JUDGE WOULD HOLD THAT AGAINST ME” by lawyers who were supposed to represent me.  Not only did the police fail/harm me but Eviction court lawyers as well as legal aid who said I shouldn’t file a lawsuit because they didn’t have any money” instead of just taking my complaint )


The next 2 hours were spent with her telling me what she thought happened in a way that was NOT trauma informed and her refusing to look at the video and me having to talk her into it so that she could see what she needed to see.  I WANTED TO GO TO A MEETING BUT SINCE THIS INCIDENT ITS LIKE EVERYONE IN THE ROOMS EVEN TOLD ON ME.  THEY WERE READY TO DEFEND OXFORD HOUSE AND MY ABUSERS.Her badgering me on what happened on this or that day.  It was the hardest police report I ever had with Fort Worth police being the 2nd when they refused to believe I was jumped on by the residents of Sober America. She told me repeatedly to calm down after she constantly interrupted and gaslit me.  She told me I was going to be “volatile because I had been volatile” and almost threatened me with not continuing the interview.  She said I would need a report for each day it happened and she got to pick and choose what happened even stating that Miguel had a right to push his way into the house because he was the other person who had been abusing me’s guest, and that he had just been standing there waiting to get in,” and I said if he was waiting he would have never gotten in you can clearly see the struggle.  She said that my hand was grabbing Nicoles when you can see that her hand was around my fingers which caused my thumb to rest on her hand.”  She said she didn’t see him push his way in when you could clearly see there was pushing going back and forth and that’s how he got in.  She said that I didn’t look like me in the video she saw and then repeatedly asked me why I didn’t have their birthdate or phone number until I said “maybe they just didn’t give it to me because there was a case against me at the time, I ‘m not sure.  She repeatedly stopped to go get a case number even after I asked her could she just grab a couple of them instead of stopping and starting. She made me feel like I was the criminal (again) and  made such a fuss another officer came and stood by like I was gonna do something to her.  I asked her for her supervisor’s information before leaving and I cried as I walked to go vote hoping to turn Texas Blue like my feelings, like my heart.


James 4:14-17 (KJV)

Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life?  It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away. For that ye ought to say, if the Lord will, we shall live, and do this, or that.  But now ye rejoice in your boastings: all such rejoicing is evil.   Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth not to him it is sin.”

Amen!